That sounds like my kind of world

Asking Cheddar to put things on hold with Gouda doesn't help anything, but you have every right to be hurt, and absolutely need to have that discussion.

The issue isn't that Cheddar has a new partner and thus you have a new metamour, the issue is that you took things slowly with Swiss due to Cheddar needing time and space to process it, only to then not be given the same consideration or opportunity for discussion from her. And that's what needs to be talked about and addressed.

Asking her to put things on hold won't fix the problem of you not being considered or consulted, all it does is turn it in to a petty revenge thing, and create more problems (as you've seen).

Give her your blessing to keep things going with Gouda, but also, let her know how much she hurt you when she didn't give you the same consideration she asked you to give her. If she takes that onboard and treats it seriously, then you'll get through this. If she is dismissive of that, then the issue is in your relationship with her, not in her relationship with Gouda

For what it's worth, I'm a late transitioning trans woman that speed ran my transition and has a semi antagonistic relationship with femininity.

Nearly 8 years in, I still wonder if I'd identify on the binary if I'd have been born a generation or two later than I was. I still don't really understand my sexuality and romantic attractions.

All I can tell you though is that even without all of the answers, I'm more me than I've ever been :)

your either targeted by the system, or you benefit from it,

And either way, you think about the system in question, but your original post still says that the only people who think about race are racists, ignoring the reality that people targeted by racism have no choice but to think about race. Thinking about race because racist systems target you does not make you racist, and disempowers the targets of racism trying to address the issue. Downplaying that experience is a racist dogwhistle. I need you to edit/clarify that post to include some of the context you've provided in your later posts, to make it clear that it's not a dog whistle, otherwise, I will have to remove the post

All I'm saying is that trans people would still exist in one form or another in a genderless society. The words might be different, and we might conceptualise ourselves and the context we exist in differently, but we would still be here.

To use your wording, I'd still have to have "picked a camp", because the one I was placed in to by biology was a source of distress, and for many of us, that distress would still exist in some form even in a genderless society

Yes, I do tend to think of the trans label as a diagnostic category that if I'm in it, I should do certain things,

That's because of generations of transphobic gatekeeping shoving that down our throats. They hide the people who don't fit the acceptable narratives, and deny them care and invalidate them.

That is absolutely not what being trans is about.

Being trans is about taking the steps to live your life on your own terms. If you don't know what your own terms are, then its giving yourself permission to explore and find out, because even that is living your life on your own terms.

It was only by realizing I was essentially living with a condition and not medicated that I was being irresponsible, and that was being a burden on others because I was living this way.

The reality of living with dysphoria is real, but it's important that you don't equate dysphoria and trans identity. One can be trans without dysphoria, and whilst there is a relationship between the two, they are distinct, and one doesn't automatically flow from the other.

You don't need to know all the answers. You don't need a diagnosis. You don't need a permanent and forever label that you are 100% certain of, because honestly, none of those things will give you what you want. If you're chasing them, it's because you are trying to validate who you are to yourself and to others. And that self doubt is a real thing, that so many of us struggle with. But we don't solve it by finding labels and saying "See, I've got proof", because the self doubt doesn't care about that, and will still sneak through the cracks.

We disempower self doubt by living our lives on our own terms, and over time, the truth of our lived experience starts to undo the lifetime of self doubt we've been taught. Of course, it's much harder than a single sentence makes it sound, but just be careful not to fall in to the trap of chasing labels and identity as the answer to the doubts you have, because they're not. The labels help you understand more about yourself and the people around you, but they're tools, not answers

Removing gender from society would resolve much of my dysphoria, but not all of it.

I'd still have struggled with the body I was born with, and I'd still have needed to deal with that reality, even in a genderless society.

To put it another way, I think there would be no dissonance between people wearing frilly dresses and practicing Jiu-Jitsu

This is a huge misunderstanding of trans identity.

Trans people aren't trans because "dresses" or the like. If we're able to come out trans and deal with the reality and harassment that brings, then we could also simply have dressed in a way that society doesn't like, or broke other gender norms, without coming out as trans if that's all it took, because those things are nearly always easier than coming out as trans.

unfortunately that institutionally racist system is society, and most people don’t fully understand the consequences of their actions, and non participation in society isn’t the answer.

This directly contradicts your first reply, in which you say the only people who care about race are racists. If are part of an institutionally racist system that targets them (which they are), then they are going to think about race, because it impacts every aspect of their life, and saying that it's only racists that think about it completely erases that reality.

Like saying the only people who think about gender are transphobes and sexists. It's just blatantly incorrect, and erases the lived experience of many people who are actively targeted by institutional bias against them

The ideal world you're talking about in your first reply is made actively harder to achieve by denying the reality in which we're currently living, and it comes across as a racist dogwhistle. The only reason I haven't removed it is because your later posts make it clear that it isn't intended that way, but I am going to need you to edit your first post so it doesn't come across as erasing the experiences of people targeted by racism

I don't use Google either

My experience of gender is not purely internal

Aside from the transphobia and crypto shilling, I'm sure they're great

There are double decker subway trains in Sydney, Australia