alwaysconfused

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When covid arrived and the new safety requirements entered the workplace, management lost their minds and became controlling and abusive.

I told my fellow workers how to fight back but they chose to just be mad.

I initiated a fight back against management and showed them how easy it was to fight back, but still they chose to stay mad.

Because I was forced to fight alone for 10 months, I eventually got singled out and fired so my fellow workers stayed mad by redirecting their anger at me.

These people spent much of their day trying to prove just how much of a man they all were but all I ever heard from them was "Oppress me harder daddy!"

I'm free now but they are still there and still mad. Just like they want to be. So good for them! 🥰

The last few years after the arrival of covid, I've had a huge change of perspective about myself. I was working as an electrician for a large company. It is a male dominated industry and my place in particular had a lot of older workers. The majority of these men acted like 'men.' They made every attempt to show off their masculinity in any way possible. They would constantly one-up each other, crudely insult each other, make dick size jokes, talk about women in negative ways be it sublte or not, constant homophobia while at the same time making gay jokes with each other, belittle anyone below them (age, sex, hierarchy, apprentices, other trades), and expect others to blindly do as they say. There's probably so much more I can't even remember at the moment but that's a quick glimpse into their mindset.

I've always been a very quiet person content with observing the world and letting others chose to interact with me. I'm also very open and tend to not judge people. I'm also not someone who doesn't "look" or act like they belong in the trades. I have more of a lean body type and have a hard time gaining muscle mass. I never spoke about women in negative or sexual ways, don't own a car, didn't show off my money in material items, ummarried and childless. The amount of pressure on me to be more manly was annoying but tolerable in the beginning. Then it got old but I pushed through because I wanted an apprenticeship.

Then covid came and upended cultural norms overnight. People were told to do things for the safety of others. Part of being a 'man' is to not do what you are told (unless the boss is around!). Those who adapted to the new safety measures easily became targets. That meant I became an even bigger target. Suddenly every aspect of my life came under intense scrutiny. Riding a bicycle to work became a source of constant, daily bullying. Somehow covid reignited my marriage status and child free choices and that came under additional scrutiny by other 'men.' At one point someone kept insisting I take creatine pills in order to bulk up on muscle mass. It seemed like nothing about me was good enough for no sustantial reason at all.

As my mental health declined, my girlfriend at the time became distant and angry at me for being depressed. While she wouldn't outright say it to me, she seemed to expect me to "man up" and just deal with it. That really hurt considering she knew just how much individality and being myself was important to me. It also felt like feminism was for her and not for me as well. Suddenly she wanted me to buy a car so I can fit in and stop complaining. I also had a hard time talking about lgbt+ topics with her because her tone towards me subtly shifted. It was as if she thought I was a closeted gay. This combined with how I was treated at work was mentally devastating for me.

After reaching my lowest, I decided to be the most annoying person possible. Fortunately I didn't have to do much more since being me causes so much insecurity in people already. It also helps that I tend to appear emotionless so their words don't have an outward, immediate affect on me, even if that shit is actually crushing me internally. I did start showing more defiance towards hostile leadership by pointing out their flaws which eventually lead to me getting fired. Oh well.

Between reaching my lowest point to now, a year after being fired that I changed how I view myself and gender. Suddenly masculinity, and by extension, femininity made no fucking sense. Not that it did make much sense before but now the idea is dead to me. Besides a few more tattoos, nothing about my appearance has changed. For medical reasons, I'm still a male. I just don't care to identity as a man. While non-binary is a suitable term for myself, I still prefer to as simply a person. I feel it describes me as simple as possible. A being just like anyone else. Undivided by physical appearance, individuality or heirarchy. It feels more inclusive that way.

Maybe one day I'll adopt the non-binary term but I've always been one to use simple and vague language. Terms and labels have often created more divide than discussion from my personal experiences and I do not like unnecessary confrontation. I also just really hate labels in all forms because I can't remember the meaning of humanities' infinity growing list of labels and ideologies.

Whenever I hear news of Pierre attackjng Trudeau, I get flashbacks of that youtube video of him cosplaying a lunch date with Trudeau.

The only thought that follows after that is the old playground story of a bully who is so infatuated with someone but unable to express themselves so they continue to bully harder in hopes of being noticed. The absurdity of this individual is painful.

I worked in the automation industry for the auto industry for about 5-6 years. I was mainly in it for the electrical apprenticeship because getting your foot into the door without networking connections is damn near impossible.

Our workplace focused on high voltage and MIG welding robots for exterior panels and internal framing of the car. With the nature of the job and being an apprentice, you don't really know what part you're making and for what vehicle. Being never-endingly curious, I started to figure out what was being made for what.

Over the years there seemed to be a change from sedan parts to SUVs and pickup parts. Then around the 2020 we began making automation lines for electric pickup trucks and even a fucking electric hummer.

It was also around this time that our company decided to get into the battery tray scene for automobiles. These trays were stupid big. In order for the robots to handle these huge battery trays, they had to order even bigger robots. These robots need bigger bases, and bigger "tools" (parts of the automation line that physically handle the car parts to be welded or moved; usually on the end of a robotic arm, conveyor or fixed station). It would be comically absurd if it wasn't for the fact that it made the job that much more complex and scary dangerous. Not to mention all the waste involved in the entire process before a car is ever released to the public.

When you see the size of these things, you begin to understand just how much battery you need. They are unsustainably huge. You just can't give everybody in north America a battery-run tank. It's impossible. There's not enough resources to allow it. It's absurd to even dream it and yet they are pushing for it hard with higher quaterly profit targets.

I saw the future through that place and went on a 10 month crusade to get my ass fired. Apprenticeship be damned, but I couldn't sell my soul like that anymore at the cost of this planet. Fuck that.

I can understand being under-informed about electric vehicles, but those who strongly advocate for an EV future are living in a distant reality. Absurdim used to be my favourite type of comedy until it became reality.

In southern Ontario it's both full-size pickups and SUVs. I live in a rural area so many pickups are lifted or have tires that extend outside the fender. Vehicles so big they can't even stay in thier lane. Constantly drift into the empty bike lane even on the straightest part of the road. Can't even control these monstrosities on a good day.

I joined r/minimalism when it was a young but already established subreddit. The message back then was to ensure what you owned brought some sort of value to your life. It was a bit broad and ambiguous for a reason. We are all unique and there is no one size fits all minimalism.

It quickly turned into a strange mix of ideals. Minimalistic aesthetics such as clean edges and blank walls took over. There was also a competition brewing between those could own the least amount of things. Suddenly you could buy happiness with minimalism. Buy that smooth, round edged minimalistic table and fancy multi-purpose item to show how minimalistic you are. I had to unsubscribe because of how soulless it began to feel.

It feels like capitalism and white washing good intentions can really suck the authenticity out of anything and everything.

I used to live closer to the greater Toronto area. It was absolutely awful when The Fast and The Furious came out. Suddenly everyone was a tuner and everyone's cars got louder. Tim's parking lots all over became a meet up spot for people and their loud toys.

I lived close enough to a highway to hear those idiots race down the road late at night. Sometimes even on the street outside of my house because it had a nice S shape. Always woke up angry at 2-4 in the morning because of these selfish idiots. I would be happy to have a system like that over here too.

When I was younger, I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish like owning property and buying a new car. The generic list of milestones. As I entered the workforce and began working with people older than myself, it was super hard to shake off that unsettling feeling that none of those milestones made sense or didn't seem to equal happiness.

The people I worked with rarely had good things to say about thier life situation. A constant stream of complaints towards significant others, property maintenance, car maintenance, children and the list goes on. I listened to those complaints and slowly grew to avoid those possible headaches after seeing the misery it brings.

I took some opportunities to do things for myself such as travel and living abroad for a few years. After returning, I had a plan to complete an apprenticeship and move to another country. That apprenticeship meant working with trades people and that was the most soul crushing experience. The vast majority of these people are miserable beyond words. They all attempted to follow that life script and all it brought was pain at the cost of their individuality and happinesss.

Their focus is so much on themselves and their own future that they can't see beyond their own nose. They don't care how their decisions affect other people. And even worse is that they encourage others to follow the same path of misery. They force their opinions on you as fact. They tear down any sense of self worth in order to push their way of life on you. They mock and ridicule you for living life differently. They get angry at you for not doing things exactly their way. They expect you to live life like them because if they suffer and are miserable, then you must suffer and be miserable too.

In reality, no one wants to struggle, suffer or live looking forward to misery. It's encouraging to see do many younger people fight back against these old norms, even if it's doing more of nothing.

Life isn't meant to be productive at all waking hours. I believe life shouldn't have such a forward focus on the future. It seems the modern focus is humanity in the stars. That view completely detracts from the beauty this planet holds which is a lot easier to appreciate when you spent time in the moment.

It will always leave me confused as to why people insist on living a lifestyle that requires so much complexity and maintenance. Maintaining all that maintenance is a path to burnout. I believe that a life which is simple, where your actions have meaning to yourself and local community would be more satisfying and healthier for both people and planet.

I keep these species of springtails for my terrariums. If you disturb them, they may jump which is a way to identify them. They can jump something like 50x they're body length so it's pretty easy to notice.

They are beneficial and very useful of my terrariums. Springtails help control mold and fungus growth while the isopods (terrestrial shrimp) break down larger matter like feces, leaf litter and food.

I think I also read that they are good for plant roots as they help aerate the soil as they crawl around. I'm not an expert but read quite a bit about making bioactive terrariums where these are used frequently.

For a brief moment I was into the idea of prepping until it I realized that no living creature can escape this mess. I've prepped enough to be mobile with the idea that mutual aid will fill in the gaps somehow.

Not the best plan but I can only push through my indifference so much. I'm trying to spend my time now with the people I hold closest to me and making sure they know how much I appreciate them.

It'd only a 20 gallon terrarium. It was my initial enclosure for my leopard gecko. After I upgraded in size for my gecko, I was planning to make it a bioactive herb garden. The isopods ate all the herbs but somehow the trees started growing. I just threw in some pothos and now it's more of a jungle. I created a stand to raise the top mesh and grow lights so that the trees have a bit more space to grow.

The trees are just about a foot tall and I keep them trimmed to that height now. The biggest tree is forming bark around the base now and is about 5cm thick now.

I do wish I had some birds nesting in there, a little more biodiversity is always welcomed hahaha