dingus

Apologies for any issues...I can delete upon request. Lemmy doesn't necessarily have a ton of communities with a lot of users so I chose this one.

I had a lot of "tantrums" as a child significantly older than that of toddler age. They weren't because I didn't "get my way" or something. They were often due to frustration...especially if I felt wronged by one of my siblings and they did not get in trouble for "wronging" me. I would scream and cry for prolonged periods of time.

The internet tells me that this isn't exactly normal and generally indicates "neurodivergence" like ADHD or autism. I do not exhibit any signs of these. I seem to be "neurotypical", no matter how thoroughly I research ADHD and autism. So what gives?

My siblings did not throw "tantrums" like this. I would get in trouble as a child now and then for doing this. Yet getting in trouble didn't make the "tantrums" stop.

Now, as an adult, I realize that the name for this seems to be "emotional dysregulation". While I don't throw "tantrums" per se anymore, my stronger emotional reactions to unfairness at work has gotten me in trouble at work numerous times. This is a bit dangerous for my job stability.

So what causes this? Why am I different? Why do others not struggle with this? What causes my feelings to be out of proportion and invalid?

I have tried bringing up the phrase "emotional dysregulation" with therapists, but they seem to gloss over it in favor of trying to look at more "standard" things like anxiety and depression.

About a little over year ago after not being particularly active for a number of years, I challenged myself to pick up running. I went from not even being able to run 5 minutes to now regularly being able to run 8 miles...with my longest ever run being 11 miles.

Somehow, I managed to be relatively consistent for a full year in doing this. I don't run every day, but I generally try to run 3 times per week.

Honestly, I picked up running because I was going through a challenging time. Literally everyone and their mother...every mental health professional...every internet rando...says that exercise improves mental health.

Well it hasn't for me. All running does is make me tired. I don't get a "runner's high". It doesn't clear my head of negative thoughts. I don't get any of that shit.

If I am in a bad mood before the run, the run enhances the low mood. If I am a neutral mood before the run, my mood stays neutral. If I am in an unusually good mood before the run (uncommon), the run enhances my good mood. Running itself (and all forms of exercise really) is actually somewhat unpleasant to me.

Occasionally I've read people on the internet saying that you don't get mood improvements until you've run farther. Well I've progressively run farther and farther and I've been doing this for longer than a whole ass year and not seen any discernible difference.

So what the hell am I doing wrong? I don't understand.

Hi all. I know I'm pretty dumb for not knowing this, but see the above question.

I've tried various different types of therapists on and off for the past several years and never really found one that worked. They either didn't listen to what I was saying, didn't provide anything of substance (just acted like someone to listen to without any ideas of what I should do), or I could not adequately explain my frustrations with them. I keep getting advice like "well you just have to try 10000 more therapists until you find one who isn't shit and will click with you". Well that's been ludicrously expensive and mentally draining so I don't know that I want to continue on that path. The costs of therapy are absolutely insane in the US.

But as these were all therapists and not physicians, the conversation of medications never came up (beyond initial intake when they asked if I was taking any meds). I understand that a therapist can't prescribe me medication so it makes sense that they wouldn't bring it up.

But then who do I talk to to see if medication might benefit me? When I Google it, most answers I see are "talk to your primary care physician", but I do not have one. I also do not really feel comfortable with a general practitioner permanently documenting in my medical file that I have mental health issues. That can be a huge downside to have permanently in your medical chart like that.

Should I try to seek out therapy practices with specifically a psychiatrist and inquire there? Is that the best way to go about this?

Thanks all.

My entire life, I have always been told that I am "overemotional", "overreacting", etc. to any given situation. Whenever anything bad is happening to me or someone else, I am not supposed to respond or react because it makes me "overdramatic". I don't understand how people just stand by and let assholes be assholes either to themselves or to others. I am never ok with that and I get frustrated at injustices. But it has gotten me into trouble my entire life.

Why is it that my feelings are less valid than others? Why am I supposed to let people walk all over me? Why don't I matter?

Lemmy, I have a problem. I fuck up social interactions incredibly frequently, far more often and severely than others do.

I will be speaking what I feel is casually and consistently, and the person I am speaking with will suddenly have a significant change in their demeanor and speech. It both makes me feel bad that they react this way and frustrates me that I made an incorrect interaction.

This doesn't really occur with people I don't know well. Rather, it occurs with the people I spend the most time with...my coworkers. I am forced to interact with them all day due to my specific job. With one of them, I would consider them to be my only friend.

I have noticed that they all have specific unspoken "triggers" of speech or behavior that I need to minimize or hide when in front of them. But there are always instances where I cannot recognize a pattern. And even when I can kind of figure out a pattern, I sometimes fail to implement it.

You know the phrase, "think before you speak" right? But how the hell does one apply that to large swaths of conversations that occur all day long? It would be incredibly jarring and odd for me to make large pauses between each and every sentence I make. Is there a better shortcut to this?

Here are some examples of "off limits" speech/behavior patterns that I have noticed among various people:

Coworker 1 - speech that shows mental weakness (esp anxiety), making a workplace error, anxious body language (this one is particularly difficult)

Coworker 2 - speech that shows mental weakness (esp anxiety), statements that are too negative, offering to let them leave work early

Coworker 3 - statements that are too negative, mentioning my dad, statements that may give them too much anxiety (sometimes difficult to discern), talking about coworker 1 too much in a negative way (even tho we both think coworker 1 is a removed)

Coworker 3 also has repeatedly told me that I can come to them with issues, but they always get upset if I say something too negative. They seem to occasionally ask me trick questions too like "are you ok?" even though I know I'm not supposed to answer truthfully. I don't understand this behavior or how to deal with it.

Coworker 4 - talking too much in general about any topic (they would just prefer I shut up tbh unless there is zero work)

Yes, there is some overlap among them, but they still have a lot of differences that are difficult for me to discern.

I mean, I guess the "easiest" solution would to try to never talk again outside of any speech that is immediately necessary to do my job. Coworker 4 essentially does this. But it is tricky to do and a bit depressing. As a human (I think??), I am unfortunately a social creature. And it does get a bit frustrating that I can't be authentically me.

Would appreciate some guidance. Sorry for the long post and thanks if you stuck around this far!

Sometimes I tend to feel some type of way during this sort of holiday. So I thought I would give everyone a shout-out. This community doesn't seem particularly active. Not sure if there are bigger ace communities on Lemmy that I'm not aware of.

But I hope you all have a great Friday and weekend. :)

This is sort of an odd prompt but I'll elaborate.

I've always been a lone wolf. Primarily it has been due to intense social anxiety. I also fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum. So I've mostly gone though life by myself. Friendships and relationships have just never been a thing for me. I'm also in my 30s, so it's not as if I'm going to change the way I am.

Several years back, I started working my current job. Most people I worked with were either ok or were assholes. But there was one who was always kind to me. She always jokes around with me and was cheerful and happy when everyone else was a grumpy asshole. We work only a few feet from each other for hours almost every single day.

Through the years, I noticed myself getting happy when she would arrive at work or when our schedules would overlap more. I am happy every day to see her and enjoy spending time with her. I absolutely never get tired of seeing her and look forward to it every single day. She has even called me a friend on numerous occasions which I have almost never had anyone do before. We spend our days simultaneously working and also trying to out goober one another. She started referring to me as her friend at one point and it made me really happy whenever she would say it.

She is married and has children and has her own busy life outside of work. I often feel bad whenever I end up texting her outside of work because I know I am taking her away from where she wants to be. She's not one of those parents that spends their off hours getting away from the household...she is the opposite...wanting to spend every waking moment not at work with her kids.

It's selfish and wrong of me, but sometimes I get jealous when she interacts with her other work friend. Or it sometimes makes me sad to know that I most likely don't mean as much to her as she does to me. I would do honestly absolutely anything for her. I even let her family stay with me for a few days when they were temporarily without power or water.

When I see my other coworkers, I honestly could take them or leave them. But my whole day gets brightened when I see my one coworker that I am close to. I never get tired of seeing her.

I've almost never ever had this happen before. The only ever time this happened was with another sweet, funny, coworker who eventually moved away. I liked both of them very much and it pained me so much when the other left. I was depressed for months.

Since I'm an asexual, I never really see people and want to make out or have sex with them. But is that what is happening with my brain? Is my description normal friend behavior or is it wrong for me to feel this level of happiness and connection around my coworker? Is it normal to like a friend this much or is there something wrong with me? Am I supposed to try to find other people instead to have this sort of feeling with instead of my coworker? Is it wrong to want to hang out outside of work? Where is the line supposed to be drawn between what is socially acceptable and what isn't?

Thanks. I'm stupid ig.

I've always wondered this. Some people have trouble with dating because they try to go for people out of their league who don't like them back. But society also tells us that we can't choose who we are attracted to. Like for example, no one makes a "choice" to be gay.

So what happens when you're only attracted to those out of their league that will never ever like them back?

Do the people with this issue still date? But when they date, they lie to their partner that they are into them? I have been on a couple of dates with someone I wasn't into before. It make me incredibly guilty and dishonest that I did not like them back.

Curious as to the experience/thoughts of others.

Apologies if this is the wrong community. I will remove on request. Thanks.

I'm in my early 30's and I've literally always been curious about this. I've never in my life had the ability to feel sexual pleasure. I've never been on any meds or had any sort of traumatic experiences...it's just the way I've always been even if I try. I'm old enough to say that I'm way beyond simply being a "late bloomer". It's just something I'll never experience.

But it often feels like I'm missing a minor sense like taste or smell or something. Everyone has always raved about the taste of dessert, but I've never been able to understand or experience it. Can you describe it in detail it for me? Not just the mental part, but the physical part as well?

Thank you.

Sincerely, An Outsider

I have been trying out various therapy services lately (they all suck and do nothing, but that's another topic). One of the things that the therapists always ask/say is if I do "self care" or tell me to do more "self care". They talk about all kinds of different things that range from eating right to eating something as a treat to exercising to going for a walk to finding a hobby to etc.

So it seems like "self care" is literally anything that benefits your existence. And I'm quite frankly confused. I live alone and have zero responsibilities outside of work. Isn't every moment of every day when I'm not working considered self care? When I go home at the end of the day, I have dinner and dick around on the internet. I don't have kids or pets so there's nothing else to worry about. I don't have any extra responsibilities. My continued existence is "self care". I don't get it.

What I would understand in all of this is if I had maybe like kids or a sick family member I had to take care of. Is that who "self care" is for? People that have extra responsibilities? Because for those of us loners, basically our entire existence is self care. So I'm confused at what any of that is supposed to accomplish. I already do everything for myself.

Context: I'm in my early 30s. I've only been on a date like once in my life a decade ago and it was awkward and I hated it. The guy was nice but I didn't know what I was doing and then he wanted to kiss and I didn't (and still don't) know how to do that either and I found it unpleasant.

I do not have the capacity for attraction like 99% of the world does, so I figured it meant that I cannot date anyone since I am incompatible with the world. I have always been that way and it was very confusing growing up. It's ok for the most part but it can get a bit lonely.

I also have intense social anxiety. My only friends are online and one coworker.

Well I will be visiting with a stranger who I am closer on the same page with in terms of them not instantaneously expecting sex. But I am panicking a little bit still and still don't know what to do about the attractiveness thing. I've not done anything like this before.

We're going to a nature trail. Tbh I wish it was an environment where I could have a drink because that helps me relax, but it doens't really make sense in this context lol.

I guess I don't know what kind of responses I'm looking for but idk help lol

Thanks