*and a couple hundred dollars
ive had some accounts on here where i detailed my situation more but long story short, i'm a brown queer who's long overdue on leaving an extremely triggering living situation in a southern state with increasingly hostile policies and a personal 0% success rate on finding meaningful friendships, community, or work. i've already tried moving to a big liberal city before and while it was better on some ends, i still was unable to make any meaningful connections or enough money that would have made the working just to live in a shitty room at the mercy of random sublandlords worth continuing for me. i also had a traumatic experience where someone scammed me out of a large sum of money, and the worst part of that whole ordeal wasn't even losing the money, it was the lack of emotional support afterwards.
anyways, after an antagonizingly long hiatus from society despite my best efforts to have even a crumb of a reason to keep hope and effort that i might find something that could give me a reason to keep going, i've decided that enough is enough, there's almost a 100% chance i won't find anyone likeminded enough here or an opportunity good enough to build towards freedom, and so i want to try vagabonding around before i give up entirely. i feel like i've tried every other possible option except meandering around the world so if i plan to call it quits i could at least do this and say hey i tried everything. i literally had 0$ for a while but i managed to sell an old guitar of mine which kickstarted this plan into fruition.
my question is have any of you ever done it without places to stay lined up, tons of savings (i have less than a grand), people to travel with, or a plan? i would love to hear from your experiences, particularly if you are a PoC.
i've been specifically thinking about getting a one way flight to portugal and then just very slowly make my way towards africa or asia from there. i've also thought maybe it would be smarter to stay in the country in hopes it could lead to more domestic opportunities, but it feels like the law would be more against me within the US. another option could be heading south through mexico to central and south america.
it's funny because the thing i crave so badly is stability and familiarity and being able to rely on and help and be helped i really just want to live a normie life like id even be willing to go back to wage slaving if there were people that cared about me. this plan feels like the complete opposite lol but if i don't do anything then i'm just guaranteed to get nothing
personally, i find it hard to care for myself when i'm not being cared for from others. not that i need someone all the time (very used to the solitude atp); it just makes me feel like "what's the point?", like the tree in the forest thing, why does it matter if i'm in shape or taking care of my hygiene or improving as a person if no one is there to even notice or acknowledge it?
i used to believe in the "do it for yourself" mentality but that's the same mentality that led to me being completely isolated. these days i've built enough resilience to continue healthy habits and take care of myself more than i used to, mainly out of spite, and i try to consider my life experience and body/mind/soul just part of my life 'experiment' that i'll see through to the end just so i can have a good laugh about it before it's all over.