Hello? Pizzahut? Yes this is hospital, your patriotic disc muncher is pretty mangled up over here. Please dispense calories

for whatever in stuff:

I’m in this picture and I don’t like it

Next question

Science is philosophy. Somewhere along the way people seem to have forgotten that

Rules are what separates us from the animals

Looking at it might be a wet dream, trying to set it up would be a nightmare. Control systems haunt me in my sleep

• LinkedIn

• Realistic expectations

Pick one

Cognitive dissonance is a bitch

Surprisingly wholesome

“You may have descended from monkeys but not me” from my grandma. She was a stubborn woman who had a hard time adjusting to the idea of evolution. I’m mostly atheist but I still get a kick out of this one

This and other jokes you can tell yourself