gayadventures

This will be different than the usual post I do. Mainly because I have now had enough time to look back on my various experiences and think about it all.

I am writing this while taking public transport back to my place. The sex was alright, although nothing amazing, nor was I reciprocated, but that was expected. A faceless profile, although did post his face after asking, discrete “full top” older man that was uncomfortably inching closer to my parent’s age more than I would have liked.

It was a boring day, I went in not expecting the sex to be great but mainly curiosity on my part. A confirmation of my own preferences really, and this has sealed the deal.

After the event, we talked a tiny bit. He complained that he was on night-shift having to travel into a town that was 100% outside the city we were living in. I asked about his rent in his place, because it painfully reminded me of the place that I lived years ago. The number that came out of his mouth was a bit unbelievable considering he did not even have a shower head, and that the flat was clearly haphazardly built on top of the roof of the council building, which is why the elevator doesn’t even lead to it and you need to take stairs that is definitely too steep for anyone with mobility issues.

He complimented me right after the sex, said that I should have it chopped off since I would look “so sexy”, and after making a face of disbelief he clarified that people in Thailand usually do that. I tried explaining to him in a language he understands - “I am not a girl”. And he instantly asked - “oh so you want to get married?”

I should have expected that response, and my answer to that is a solid no, but not how he would have interpreted it. I don’t believe in same-sex marriage as an end that is beneficial for anyone but the upper class gays who rarely face the brunt of discrimination anyways.

I quickly cleaned myself up and packed up as he also had to get going to his work. I had to walk across a park to reach the nearest station and decided to sit down and think about what just happened. I have had a lot of “fun” with many people now, of age gaps that would definitely creep out any straight person.

Looking back, I just find it all a bit funny. For many years, I lived a similar story of so many, internalised homophobia for much of my early teenager years. A lot of years of guilt and regret for something that has yet to happen. I have now lived multiple years in weeks. Getting a glimpse of many gay lives, both closeted and open, both young and old. Every life a unique and sometimes common, and sometimes a sad story to tell.

I myself am an interloper in this megacity, a so-called Third Culture Kid, an immigrant, a person with an “international accent”, a person with torn identities. The cliche continues running amok, there’s no point in containing it.

I could say I regret what I have done so far, but I have not. I could say that I am scared of the future, but I am not. I could say I am an hyper-sexual sex addict, but I really am not. That’s what I have learnt.

We continue walking on this Earth and cross heavily convoluted paths. We learn. Constantly. Sometimes without wanting to.

Stay safe all.

It’s odd that it comes up now but it has.

But let’s tackle the elephant in the room first (why I made this account in the first place).

Had a hookup. Of course I did.

It went bad.

I decided to bottom.

Prepared the whole day, only for the guy to be very eager (in a bad way) and the language barrier made it hard to communicate things.

He entered and came within 2minutes. (With a condom of course.)

Dude was definitely closeted, and I should have trusted my gut about having fun with people that I can actually communicate to.

But alas. He was very awkward, and promised a round 2 but then complained about the room being too hot and having a headache (lol).

We talked a bit. He admitted that he usually targets people of my racial background

I just told him to go if he wanted to, can’t really force him.

Went a bit delirious for an hr but calmed down.

Talked to a friend about this, and I am already laughing at this experience. Taking a break from Grindr and the other gay apps for now.

Worst part? I actually did have a good experience with another guy this past week and now I am just reminiscing it. We follow our socials but he’s half-way across the globe now. Fuuuck - and I did meet some other cool, descent people.

But back to ol’ reliable for now. My hands and toys can seemingly do things some of these men can’t do. (Very real)

and from the previous thread,

yes I did start on PrEP, and had all STIs tested, all negative. I know it wouldn’t even capture this and last week’s activities, but I’ll watch closely for symptoms.

So back to the title,

I feel like an adult, atleast for now.

Common to most people around my age, I never feel like an adult. I used to relate. But now, after all this but also other aspects of my life, I think I’ve practically done all the bullshit an adult is supposed to do.

And I also realize (again) half of these “adults” are fucked in the head, so not really something to live up to.

Until next time.

Edit: clarity

met a different guy the day after, and 2 days later met another different guy.

I have ADHD. Testing the pills on a higher dosage rn which makes me insane (real). Never allowed myself to think sexual thoughts in public as a teenager in fear of consequences. Never dated, never had experience with a relationship.

I read a lot of resources online and I overthink a lot. Especially with my sexuality. The meds made it easier. The encouragement of my friends also made it easier.

So I downloaded Grindr. I got messaged - the usual. The meds does a funny thing of increasing my libido, makes me a bit more impulsive, gives me more energy and supercharges my heart where it beats fast til no end and so I continued chatting. Which lead to plans being made.

Might even meet another guy later today.

I dont know if im just acting out (other aspects of my life has been really stressful and overwhelming) but I just opened the flood gates and there’s no way to close em back. So many questions about aspects of my sexuality being answered practically instantly.

Planning to take an STI test at a local clinic to establish my baselines in a few days. No doubt the frequency will tone down with time. Should I even worry? Because right now, I love it.