(A 4Chan "green-text" titled "Bug Bro", with a photograph of a praying mantis)

15 year old daughter suddenly got an extreme interest in mantises

decide to buy her one

she cares for it like a baby, honestly surprised at her responsibility over her pet

she wants me to hold it but I don't wanna

eventually she wears me down and I do it

the damn thing looks me in the face

when it's not focused on the tricks she makes it do (jump from hand to hand, etc)

daughter tells me it can eat all sorts of meat

what the hell

feed it a piece of steak

IT EATS IT FROM MY HAND

have been bonding with the mantis ever since

I never thought I could get this invested in a bug.

(A 4Chan "green-text" with a picture of Wojak)

my mom left school at 16 due to poverty

never showed much interest in books, music etc

retired last year

has since been reading through all the books I left in boxes at home

her enthusiasm for reading is so pure l feel bad for not enjoying reading that much these days

she kept asking me if I was writing a book and said she could "never do that"

picked up the hint and encouraged her to give it a go, without getting my hopes up

that-feeling-when she sent me a story she wrote about two rabbits who become friends

that-feeling-when it made me cry and feels more honest than anything I've written

How to cope with this feel bros?

l love my mum so much.

Title: my Christmas experience

be me

an 18 year old autistic kid who likes stuff animals

tell my older brother about these round seal plush toys from japan that are really cute

brother probably not paying too much attention I assumed so I forgot I told him

ast forward to December 25th

brother hands me a flat package

I think it's a shirt or something

I open it up I find a very flattened small version of the seal pillow I told him about

I am very happy and tell him how much I love it

thanks brother

(A 4Chan "green-text", with a picture of Pepe wiping a tear from his eye)

in highschool

decide to give the quiet kid a chance, he seems alright

my friend and i approach him

"hey dude yeah wassup u alright"

he has like no one to talk to he gives in

6 months go by, we are talking like usual

since i like to talk to lots of different people, people always come to talk to me

also, since quiet kid has no one he just kinda sticks by me most times

overtime, we talk less; other people see that he is likeable and hang out with him at school

eventually, we stop talking

no problem, my main intention was for him to have friends anyway

fast forward months later

schools ended

check his instagram story

its him and his friends from our old highschool hanging out

see it quite frequently now

proud of him

mission passed, glad that he actually has friends now

Dating a blind girl

All of her friends are blind

Love that she holds my arm when we're out

Love that she eventually got used to my apartment and can now navigate around by herself

Love that her guide dog is super friendly and is always on the job to help her.

Love that her family sees me as a great person because her being blind doesn't bother me

Love that she doesn't use the internet because it's too much hassle

Love that she requests I read new books for her in my voice and record them so she has her own boyfriend audiobook library.

be me

9 at the time

playing Luigi's Mansion for the first time

get to the piano ghost melody

develop crush on her

force parents to buy me a keyboard and take me to piano lessons ›eventually get really good at it

fast-forward 3 years

playing the piano at some department store while waiting for my mom to finish shopping

girl from my school sees me

"wow anon i didn't know you played that good"

turns out she's also a piano fag

get her number

fuckyeah.jpg

fast-forward to today

still with her

going to college

probably gonna major in music

my-face-when this all started cuz i had a crush on some ghost bitch from Luigi's Mansion

thanks Luigi

Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago

Get startled by phone ringing

It's one of my players

Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?"

Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you.

Could I ask for a favor?"

OhGod HeKilled Someone.gif

Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot."

Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them."

NaniTheFuck.mp3

Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?"

Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister! Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler."

Me: "Wow... well, if it will help her sleep, then sure."

Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker."

Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon."

Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!"

I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg

Me: "You ready for a story about...(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)...the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?"

Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises)

I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him.

I am the dumb dumb mister.