I spend idle thoughts on the painful past,
There's no one here to beat me up.
So I do it myself, mimicking their voices,
Laughing, I should have made better choices.
I used to daydream the feeling of being free,
I'm here now, so, why's it so hard to just Be?
Family stole away my childhood dreams,
I guess, trauma doesn't fall far from our ancestries.
Used and abused, I was their homegrown sin,
Some scars are deeper than the depth of my skin.
I was set up to fail right from the beginning,
So I didn't see that my escape was not an ending.
My saviour was not the white knight I needed;
But a wolf in sheep's wool, friend's warnings unheedee.
A decade of draining my bank dry by day,
At night, he took a different kind of pay.
I'm safe, so why does the fear stay the same?
They're wrong, so why is it myself that I blame?
Suffered and now I feel totally insane,
Scared to call it by it's terrible name.
I'm not stupid, just insecure and naive,
A good sleep I beg to give me some reprieve.
Avoiding but calling it biding my time,
I'll be fine just a bit of a therapy rhyme.