I feel you a bit on that when I think about the history of my own parent's relationship (I'm my mother's therapist basically). I can't get them to make each other happy but, I can at least do my part to bring some happiness for them as part of my own familial relationships. So that relieves some of the guilt that I'm some sort of fetter on their lives.

I guess what moves me forward from all this is that I'm here regardless and I want to live, grow, and love before I'm no more. To belong, be fulfilled, and be at peace at the end of it all. Everybody should have the opportunity to live a full life while they're on this earth, including you. That's what motivates me at the heart of my left politics, the pursuit of that indescribable feeling of wholeness when everyone is being their best self in their best life and I did my part to make it so.

With regards to kids, you might not be having your own biological children but, as I tell myself, there are still plenty of children out there that need folks to help them like they're their own biological parents. That doesn't just extend to foster parenting but, also to the political and community side of things. Community wise, even helping the families of trusted friends with their children via babysitting. And policy wise, people fight to see better policies so that these kids can grow up to be fulfilled adults. I guess the point in all that is that, regardless of if they're your biological children or not, helping to foster the growth of the next generation can be fulfilling in itself, by way of that feeling of wholeness I mentioned above.