Red_Sunshine_Over_Florida

I've been away for a bit, mostly lurking when I'm on to scroll the news comm. I've just had this feeling of nothingness ever since I really processed that we are all the losers of history. That the economic system, in order to reproduce itself will either metaphorically throw us in the scrap pile once we wear out or burn us for fuel.

I guess I get irked whenever I see people talking about organizing at a local level. I just think people in general would rather have scapegoats to let the state persecute than think and do the actual work of fighting against the class system that sits on their necks. And it seems either a perverse mockery or an empty gesture whenever we point to leftist figures that lived nearly a century ago and are spurred on to follow their example, while we live in completely different contexts than they did.

Maybe I'm saying this because of how red the area is and my own isolation but, I just don't want to deal with people in general. Their ignorance makes me so livid when I consider how we as communists are supposed to be radical democrats at heart. I explain over and over again to some of the people in my life who aren't yet complete soulless monsters (in other words don't view the entire totality of migrants as subhumans), and even if they agree with my ideas, they still end up supporting the far right anyways. If they're still like that as a mass of people, they're wholly incapable of governing themselves and are just leading us into a slow boiling mass extinction event.

I think I finally understand the meaning of a phrase I once though over used, "it's not my job to educate you." I just don't want to deal with these people anymore, nor do I want to even get further involved with people who might be more amenable to class struggle because I know they're either too precarious or lumpenized to do anything about it. At this point, I feel like giving up because I cannot feel much more. Not even anger at those who sit at the top of the class system. I just feel nothing except maybe a spark of rage whenever I see copium from my comrades on the left. The way we talk to dead theorists and leaders can be so macabre sometimes in light of their tragic failures in the short or long term. I just wish we could let them rest in peace.

Maybe this intersects with how I feel my personal life is just so listless. I'm well into adulthood and never met many of those threshold that my parent's generation met. I don't think I will meet those by throwing myself into trying to prop up people who are really complete strangers to me in some political movement.

Idk, I continue on but, I feel somewhat diminished at the moment.

I've never really tried multiplayer before.

Idk, I just work, go home, sleep, work again. I'm more financially stable than most people my age working for minimum wage, having been able to save by living with my parents, and that gives me motivation to get up and keep doing this every day.

But, I guess it's still not enough in the long term, for one thing.

For another, that's all that I do. I feel so easily distracted otherwise and just live to move from day off to day off, never having the focus to organize something to improve the other aspects of my life. I've not really achieved a lot of the career goals I had for myself nearly a decade ago. And that makes me feel especially like I'm failing at performing whatever male gender roles that society expects of me, which I feel in turn, will be a malus towards whatever prospects at sociability that I might have.

I'm approaching 30 and I hardly have no consistent friends or significant other. I keep reflecting on this and wonder if my social ineptitude will compound on me like my parents and result in me being either completely lonely like them or in a crappy relationship. I try making friends outside of here but, the most annoying thing about it is that I seem to often find myself the one who has to consistently initiate conversations, leading me to take hits to my rather low self-esteem. I'm just not worth bothering with as a person. The same can be said for dating in some respects. I just want to find people who I can geek out and joke about history and gaming stuff.

I'm approaching the new year, feeling disorganized and listless, discouraged by whatever past failures I've gotten out of trying to make plans to better myself that fall through.

You know, the racist professor who threw the leader of the actual Socialist Party in jail for opposing his signature national security policy and who later initiated the first Red Scare of the 20th century.

I know to expect this from American conservatives but, sometimes the extent of their political illiteracy gets through and astounds me.

That's the post. They really did that.

The short summary of it is that today, I was just trying to finish my shift when the whole sewage system in the building backed up and flooded the kitchen I work in. I was shocked by this and spent a good hour going back and forth trying to find someone to deal with the raw sewage that was coming up through the floor drains. It took a good 30 minutes for the higher ups to get there, and all during that time, my manager thought a single wet vac could deal with the raw sewage that was swamping the entire kitchen. The odor was horrible and made me nauseous. All the while, the elderly Trump lady I work with was STILL TRYING TO WASH AND PUT AWAY DISHES WHILE SCALDING RAW SEWAGE WAS GETTING CLOSE TO ANKLE DEEP IN SOME PLACES. FOR A GOOD 30 MINUTES. I wanted nothing to do with that. This just left me literally shaking a bit by all of that happening so suddenly. I just wanted to do my job, go home, and have the day off the next day.

I just wanted to get my job done.

(I'm a completionist like that)

And by that I mean DOLLS THAT LOOK LIKE KLAUS BARBIE!

I can't believe we live in a world where that's a factually true statement.

I'm going to find a professional out there in my area who can listen to all my concerns about stuff like diagnosing/dealing with AuDHD, talking about dealing with family stuff, and just my general desire to be a better person/communicate better. I don't think I can just indefinitely keep my problems inside the way I've been doing.

I don't know why, but it just does to me.

Harold Ickes

Harry Hopkins

Felix Frankfurter

Henry Wallace

Cordell Hull

Frances Perkins

Rexford Tugwell

It's almost like the TCOT naming convention but, for 20th century liberals.

The only one with a similar sounding name that stands out is Wendell Wilkie, who obviously wasn't a New Dealer.

Edit: Related to that, when Howie Hawkins ran for president four years ago, my first thought was: "I thought that guy was dead," because I was thinking of Harry Hopkins. The last guy out there with a New Dealer-ass name.

Mostly because it sounds similar to a name like Colonel House (who was a KFC-style Colonel btw).

I never received formal education in the subject and I want to learn about it so that I may have a better understanding of the philosophy of our political tradition. I'd appreciate any suggestions on materials to get an introduction to the topic.

I've been trying to find more people IRL to chat with, even if online, and I actually found a person who I clicked with who seemed to share my sense of humor and references to old media. It was nice while it lasted but, I don't think he was interested in the long run. I guess I just want to share this because it gave me a moment where I started to understand what I was looking for in people who I want to make friends or date. I want to find people who are have the same nerd/geek interests and humor as me but are also a bit chill or even a bit positive. It was such a new experience for me, I guess. It feels a bit exciting. I hope I am able to find more people like that in Florida.