cw: self-harm
American medical system bitching and self-harm
$50/month medication takes the "overwhelming urge to unalive" days per month from 15/30 to 5/30
unfortunately, finding a way to deal with those last crucial 5 days is proving difficult
feel free to make suggestions if you have them, unless they're diet and exercise and mindfulness, which I assure you are primary occupations and were locked in before I started spending +$50/mo on medication
just feeling so utterly hollowed out and trying to type instead of plot
if I can make it a month and come up with $200 3x over that month, I might come away with an autism assessment and specific recommendations for local-ish therapists and local-ish resources that could help
hopefully maybe โ I live in a rural area where resources are thin
regardless, that's not going to fix the 5 terrible days, and I would need more money for a therapist on top of the $50/mo I'm barely doing now, or the $600 between me and getting the therapist recommendations
how do I fix the 5 terrible days? if it even possible? I've tried to accept that maybe they won't ever go away, but it is a bit of a hard row to hoe
and then how does one accumulate more income to afford extra shit while in this kinda state? ๐๐ญ we don't, do we
never getting a pap or mammogram
just circling the drain
Sorry to be that person, but I'll add sleep, water, and vitamin deficiencies to the annoying suggestion list. I found an antidepressant that worked decently well for me, but there's still a long list of things that can contribute to "bad days" despite the altered neurochemistry. Vitamin D and B seem big for me. Iron or magnesium for some people I know.
Also important for me, socialisation and a sense of purpose/productivity. The former like some sort of conversation with someone, or in-person mutual aid work sometimes. The latter might just be cleaning or organizing, or putting together a spreadsheet or document with plans or smth.
Wrt finances, the mutual aid comm might be able to help with a one-time thing for an assessment. Depending on how much time you have, /r/workonline and /r/beermoney also have a few resources for side income that isn't one of the many gig apps.
I have been absolutely trash about taking my vitamins lately, it's true. ๐