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what do you do when you feel doubts? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 2 months ago by dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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I can't seem to shake imposter syndrome or doubts about whether I'm "trans" or whether I'm a woman, etc.

Just wondering what you all do when you feel that way, if you have any recommendations?

It makes me feel awful, there is so much commitment to a transition it feels like you have to be certain, but I just don't have constant certainty.

Sometimes I'll sit down and try to analyze it objectively, basically considering the "null hypothecis" - if I am not trans, then I would be cis, if I were cis then a certain set of things would be true (like, estrogen would probably not feel so great, testosterone would not make me depressed, etc.).

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[-] TotallynotJessica@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

I also only transitioned because my back was against the wall. I was lucky to have the intensive mental healthcare needed to recover from such a place, but I couldn't have done it if I never came out. It did automatically fix some problems I could never deal with before, but more than anything, it made my problems solvable. The biggest thing transition gave me was the ability to love myself.

In my personal experience, the number one challenge with treatment resistant depression is self hatred. The shame of being worthless and despicable. If you view yourself as inherently bad rather than as a person who did a bad thing, it's much harder or even impossible to make progress. It becomes self fulfilling, with wins not sticking and losses piling up. That is often what holds people back from recovery; the enemy of living a good life.

The treatment is a arduous process of being greatful for everything good and not defining yourself as inherently bad. You can amend the wrongs rather than letting them define you. You are a good person deserving of love, so it'd be a shame to not love yourself. This is less about stroking your ego and more about cherishing yourself for all that you're worth.

Most people go through life without getting all the joy they can out of all the good. All things in life, from the good to the bad, are only here for a brief moment. Whether you're sad or happy, always remember: This too shall pass. The sun will fade and the final eclipse will shadow the earth, so make sure to not let self hatred of any kind destroy those moments.

You will need to fight off self hatred for the rest of your life. You can't put down your weapons or "fix" it once and for all. It will be tiring, but worth it.

this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2024
52 points (98.1% liked)

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