this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2024
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askchapo

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Cishet dudes of Hexbear: Do feel that certain gender or sexuality norms are harmful to you personally? If so, what are they and how would you say they affect you? (hexbear.net)
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by Carcharodonna@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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So, back when I was "still cis tho", there were a lot of aspects of male gender norms that bothered me deeply and of course I totally understand why now. Even though these days I obviously have a clear reason for feeling that way, I'm still curious if cishet men also have issues with how norms or expectations around gender and sexuality impact them in a negative way.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on how those norms impact you, whether good or bad.

Also, I should mention that since this is a bit of a sensitive subject we're talking about here, please be thoughtful and sensitive when discussing with others in this thread. Thanks! <3

EDIT: Much thanks for all the great responses here! I know it's a difficult topic of course, so I appreciate you sharing your thoughts/feelings like this.

Speaking of which... I just looked at /c/menby and some of the posts on the front page there are over 2 years old. I see a lot of the discussion here centered around not being able to share feelings and/or not having the spaces or support to do that in. /c/menby seems like the perfect place for that, just sayin'.

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[–] Bureaucrat@hexbear.net 3 points 1 month ago

That sucks. I think I might be able to relate. I dated someone who was clinically depressed. Takes a lot to be a partner for that kind of person, a lot of patience a lot of understanding. She could break down over any issue, because that's what depression does. Makes any issue difficult, so difficult you might just break down. And I was there for it.

My foot is fucked, and that has kept me from doing elite sports. I can't put a lot of weight on it for a long time. I thought it had finally healed and her and I went out for some bouldering. Then my foot started hurting. I cried. I couldn't take it anymore - She was having a Good Day, I thought I was healed, we both wanted to go out, we both had the energy and the will to do stuff, we both wanted to be active, we both had an activity we loved. But I couldn't and the only obstacle was something I had no way of doing anything about and it was just the result of me being born weird. I couldn't take it so I told her "it just feels so unfair, I just really want to climb" and I cried.

She told me "just get over it."

Later on, before we broke up she would complain that I never told her anything. Whenever I did, she'd tell me "there was no space for her."