this post was submitted on 16 Jan 2025
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Suggestion/discussion: Should we add "incel" to the no-no word list? (hexbear.net)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by REgon@hexbear.net to c/hexbear@hexbear.net
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I don't know, but this comment from @Hermes@hexbear.net has given me some stuff to think about.

People should not think less of you on the base of the amount of sex you have, and you shouldn't either.

This is a nice thought, but insults based on amount of sex are absurdly common. I have seen quite a few people on this site who still do these insults, and it doesn't get removed when I report it. The incel article from a while go was about how we should critique incels for their misogyny rather than them failing to have sex, I see this as pretty similar to the arguments about not body-shaming fascists in that most of the people who will get hit by the insult are not the actual target. From what I remember, that article good job explaining why these insults are harmful and how they hurt a lot of people who they really shouldn't, unfortunately the discussion on that post was very off topic. In my experience, most people who have sex fail to recognize that not everyone who is celibate is an incel ("If so many terrible people have sex and you can't, that must mean you are worse than they are!").

I would say that insults based on amount of sex a person has should not be allowed, but I am very pessimistic about this actually leading to a change in site culture.

Once again, please assume good faith, even if you disagree with the take. If you think I mean something weirdly reactionairy by this post, ask me wether that is what I mean, instead of just saying that's what I mean please.
I don't want this to become a strugglesession, I just feel like this would be a good discussion to have. If this does become hostile, then please lock/remove it mods.

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[–] aaro@hexbear.net 17 points 1 year ago

I agree with what you're getting at here but I think we also can't deprive ourselves of the ability to call a spade a spade on this one. I think the term incel should absolutely be fair game to disparage genuine self-identified incels or those who clearly fit the mold, but it shouldn't be a term to lob around against people for an individual questionable take - this has the potential to do severe damage to sensitive/vulnerable comrades, a lot of whom are probably neurodiverse and fight RSD.

Use incel to talk about how /r/braincel users deserve the wall. Don't use incel to disparage people for bad takes that are correctable with patient but firm dialogue.