this post was submitted on 16 Jan 2025
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Suggestion/discussion: Should we add "incel" to the no-no word list? (hexbear.net)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by REgon@hexbear.net to c/hexbear@hexbear.net
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I don't know, but this comment from @Hermes@hexbear.net has given me some stuff to think about.

People should not think less of you on the base of the amount of sex you have, and you shouldn't either.

This is a nice thought, but insults based on amount of sex are absurdly common. I have seen quite a few people on this site who still do these insults, and it doesn't get removed when I report it. The incel article from a while go was about how we should critique incels for their misogyny rather than them failing to have sex, I see this as pretty similar to the arguments about not body-shaming fascists in that most of the people who will get hit by the insult are not the actual target. From what I remember, that article good job explaining why these insults are harmful and how they hurt a lot of people who they really shouldn't, unfortunately the discussion on that post was very off topic. In my experience, most people who have sex fail to recognize that not everyone who is celibate is an incel ("If so many terrible people have sex and you can't, that must mean you are worse than they are!").

I would say that insults based on amount of sex a person has should not be allowed, but I am very pessimistic about this actually leading to a change in site culture.

Once again, please assume good faith, even if you disagree with the take. If you think I mean something weirdly reactionairy by this post, ask me wether that is what I mean, instead of just saying that's what I mean please.
I don't want this to become a strugglesession, I just feel like this would be a good discussion to have. If this does become hostile, then please lock/remove it mods.

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[–] RION@hexbear.net 12 points 1 year ago

I get what people are saying re: "incel" as a literal term/contraction vs. the colloquial understanding of the term, but at least in my case that doesn't fully work out. In general, my first instinct is to process things very literally and rigidly, and I have to manually go back in my head to revise and find the "proper" meaning. I generally do find the proper meaning, it just takes a bit of legwork. Don't really know if this is a ND thing or if I'm just a little weird.

So when I see "Incels don't deserve compassion" or similar sentiments there's always friction in reminding myself that when the speaker says "involuntarily celibate person" (which I consider myself to be) through that contraction they (hopefully) don't actually mean that but a highly specific group of harmful people. And that's a more harmful experience than I'd like to admit for a variety of reasons, not least of which being gender stuff. But people don't seem like they'd be super receptive to that, and I guess it's because it's fairly low on the list of things to worry about in the grand scheme of things.