this post was submitted on 21 Mar 2025
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I mean sure buddy, but are you gonna open up the bar with "Let me tell you how dependable and good I am at communicating." or are you gonna show her that by telling her about your hobbies and how you stick to them despite hardship. If you can't talk about what you like, how are you gonna talk about the difficult stuff down the line?
I'd say well groomed is more important than "good looking". If you look clean, your clothes are well fitted, hair and nails well trimmed and show some basic hair and skin care you look good regardless of what your face actually looks like.
Thinking that hobbies have no value, that's teenager stuff. So is thinking that what applies to one woman applies to all.
Well groomed.. really wasn't necessary. I just wore a t-shirt and whenever I was interested in someone I would take off that t-shirt.
I was age 21-24 though, so teenager stuff might still have applied.
Met my wife when I was 24, now 6 years together.
So yeah, my experience with women basically is from age 17 to 24. As teenager, it was all about hobbies etc.
Now as a married man.. my wife doesn't give a fuck bout my hobbies, she's pregnant so she wants someone dependable. Long term relationship so we need to be communicative.
Hobbies.. we do things together. Outings, watching series. She suffers through my blabbering bout economic stuff that she really doesn't care about. She watches me workout for the so maniest time.
When you're looking for a relationship, all you need to do is have fun. Be charming. Your hobby can be whatever. They want you, not your hobby, not your grooming. If you're fit and you can make her laugh, that's all you need.
I mean sure, different people have different preferences when it comes to grooming. My point is more along the lines of: It doesn't matter how funny you are if you stink and your hair is greasy.
Come on bruv, taking a shower takes 10 minutes a day.
I thought you meant like fine shaving your facial hair, making sure your hair length, fade, etc is always on point. Wearing suit or expensive clothing. Wearing perfume.
That's grooming.
Taking a shower and brushing your teeth is the most basic thing
Now you see how fucking low the standards are for men. And yet there are still plenty of men that can't seem to get it.
Exactly my dude it's basic, I find it crazy that it's not more common.
And yet, take a look in any Games Workshop and you're quite likely to find people who will happily go weeks without a shower despite sweating like a pig just hauling their immense bulk across the room for another 2 litre bottle of coke or pepsi.
The nearest store to me for example had to put a fucking sign in the window warning that staff will remove any such sources of offensive body odour from the premises and issue bans on repeat offenses.
I mean, what the fuck?!
It's not the ladies' fault they find such utter lack of basic hygiene repulsive, despite what the Taint brothers and their ilk say, but it's the same basic bitch lie every right wing cockbite sells.
"It's not your fault or mine that your life is a bin fire, it's insert target group here's fault. Here, do what I tell you and it'll get better."
All downhill from believing that "pretty little lie". There is currently a rising tide of people caught up in the lie the world over, and they're unwilling to admit they were had. If history is any teacher, it's got to get waaaay worse before the wind shifts.
You don't have much experience to be in this conversation. I'm legit happy you clicked with someone at that age, and seem well settled! But that's unusual, and again, that's not much of a resume.
Well... kinda. Not sure why you keep on about grooming not being important. Weird to me. But yes, be fit and make her laugh, good deal! But no, there's a bit more to attraction in most cases. Something here seems a bit shallow.
But hell, look at me and my wife. We're wildly physically attracted to each other. Her smell is like crack to me, and I've done my time with actual crack. We don't have much in common intellectually but we've found some hobbies and interests alike and shared unfamiliar hobbies and interests. In short, we've learned from one another, and that's important to me, and seems to be important to all the women I've been with. They always say I'm "interesting", even if they have, uh, other things to say.
We could probably learn a thing or two talking this out.
I didn't have a job until age 25, so I had all the time in the world to explore and learn.
Unlike my brother. He's 33 now, hasn't had a single relationship that I'm aware of, always busy working. Clearly aiming at a transactional relationship with someone young enough to be fertile by the time he wants to work less.
I wouldn't just go about the amount of time that passed. Between age 17 and 24 I talked to hundreds of people. Settling down doesn't seem unusual to me.
Once again.. fertility.. my wife's pregnant now at age 29, the risk of miscarriage after age 30 becomes quite a lot higher.
I think it's our current society that settles down too late in life. That's why the labour force is shrinking. Too many people on retirement who never had kids. (Belgium)
On a subject like this, for people that are struggling to get a relationship. The only advice I should give is to talk to a lot of people. Don't be a simp (don't act fake), use your intuition. Trial and error. Break hearts, get your heart broken. Find someone that you click with, it feels like biking on asphalt. Not on a rocky road.
The smell thing. That's because you're bonded. Oxytocin probably is the reason for that. Hormones are a hell of a drug.
Yeah, all someone has to do is to be interesting.