this post was submitted on 07 Apr 2025
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Back when we were a real civilization, we didn't try to find matches by looking at someone's photograph, we would have considered that creepy and stupid.
Why are so many people doing an act that is objectively creepy, stupid and most users hate the entire experience? I haven't met a single fucking person who enjoys tinder or online matchmaking in general. None. Not men, not women.
GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE. (edit: and talk to people. I can't believe I have to add this detail, you cannot just literally walk around outdoors and expect something to happen, I'm just saying get off the internet, stop fucking scrolling and reading other people's thoughts, it's not helping you, strike up conversations and learn to get over yourself. You're alone because your head is rammed so far up your own ass you can't breath. DO NOT GO HIT ON RANDOM PEOPLE YOU DUMB FUCKS, SERIOUSLY "GO OUTSIDE" IS A METAPHOR FOR GETTING A REAL LIFE OFF THE INTERNET.)
This is distorting all your perceptions of what "attractive" even means. Last schlub I saw whining about this was just a normal-ass dude like my neighbor who has a wife and kids. All this talk about "attractiveness" makes no consideration for how humans actually feel about each other when they get to know each other.
"But it's not that simple! The rest of the world is changed! You can't just go talk to people! This is a oversimplification of a complex problem! REEEE!"
Bull. Shit. You tried like once or twice and people didn't warm up to you and you felt ashamed. Or some dumb teenager broke your heart. That experience was supposed to teach you to try a different way, not teach you to give up. Shame is useless, it's often a sign of having your head too far up your own ass. There are billions of people on Earth living the way we've lived for literal centuries. If you met some people you don't match with, try several more. Even if you meet a million people, you're still meeting 0.0125% percent of the population. Seriously, make EFFORT.
You are not a victim in this. Shed that automatic reflex to lash out at anyone who makes you feel accountability and you just might make it.
The death of third places.
Ahh I see you'd like to exist, that'll be 10 dollars please.
That's part of it, but missing third places are as much a symptom as a cause.
Because tell me, if you walked outside and your neighborhood was restructured and there were bars and a riverwalk and cafes and old dudes with funny hats painting scenes, would that actually help the huge swath of people who have never grown up in places where you go outside and know everyone?
Third places are more than places they're community connection areas, and yah it can certainly help if the physical locations are there, but the big ingredient that makes it work is that people who live around these places have a history already of going out to meet friends, coworkers, family, casual acquaintances you value the opinion of, and so on. You never ran down to Horace's shop when you were 9 years old with a $5 to buy milk for your mom, and it was okay because you knew Horace, everyone in the area knows each other, and people looked out for each other.
We're missing some deeply fundamental things in the modern world, particularly in the USA and dense urban areas. A huge one is learning to just talk to other people without shame or fear... a LOT of our space and life would become designed around this kind of life if we actually valued it. We are falling for the comfort trappings of suburban/apartment hell where you can see any virtual world from your flat screen and VR goggles and talk to an AI who will order you dinner without having to talk to anyone.