my perennially lowest risk possible choice retirement account portfolio is only down 0.36% for the last 30 days. i am what financial advisors refer to as "an asshole".

the market is bullshit. the only way to play it is to only play when forced to by an employer contribution/retirement matching scheme, and even then, put it in the money market. the one they tell you to only put it in when you're figuring out how you want to balance your funds. then you just leave it there.

sure, i don't make shit for returns, i don't double my money every 7 years... which gamblers like to call "missing out on gains" because they operate with the mindset of someone who has been playing with loaded dice for 50 years, thinking this casino is always gonna pay out because everyone letting it ride can be a winner from now until forever.

i get all the gains i need from the employer match at the jump. after that, keep my shit in highly-liquid, low risk instruments. my benefit here is that when the market shits itself, i don't see some heinous drop and fall to my knees praying i don't lose my job during market turmoil and/or have to cash out my retirement when it's worth pennies on the dollar.

that shit happened to a fuckload of people in '07-08. nevermind what happened to the people actually in retirement making mandatory withdrawals when it was valued in the shitter?

that's what the market really is for small time investors: a machine that holds the sheep still while the bears and the bulls tear it up. wall street used to be more open about this and actually had all 3 animals represented ~100 years ago, but realized they could lure more little people into the machine if they left the sheep out of the imagery.