this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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how do you deal with people who knew you pre-transition but don't recognize you? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 month ago by dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Someone at work that used to be my direct manager had a meeting with me to introduce themselves. They didn't recognize me at all and I didn't want to out myself by disclosing who I was, so I went along with it.

I don't like lying, and when they asked about my work history I was honest even though it created immediate suspicion (how could we have not worked together given when I started working and my job experience?), and I just shrugged. It's obviously a kind of deception to not out myself, and I don't like that - but my instincts say it's better in this context to not out myself.

Probably relevant to the context is that the boss is male, older, conservative, and an immigrant from a non-Western culture that is not open minded about these things.

I am pretty sure based on things they have said in the past that they wouldn't be tolerant of a trans person.

Anyway, to my trans elders: how have you handled situations like this?

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[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This person is like my boss's boss, so I am basically forced into interactions with him - but otherwise I have no interest in talking or working with them. I just have to get through these meetings and navigate the work environment, but I transitioned while still working here, so most people at work remember me from pre-transition and so it's very possible he'll find out who I was before just from chatting with people (I work with plenty of conservative people who may even still refer to me by my deadname and old pronouns behind my back, who knows).

Still, I see why your advice is good regardless - it's just tricky to apply it here, since normally I would not be invested in this relationship at all, but I sorta have to be given the circumstances.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I wish I had more than that. People I’ve volunteered with haven’t recognized me, but simply continuing whichever project we’re working on has been enough to continue existing in that space. In the end, you have the option of shining a spotlight on yourself or allowing it to meander unfocused around the stage. They likely have other things to do, given the panic I'm hearing about from everyone I know, so there’s no rush whatsoever in making your presence known.