Off My Chest
RULES:
I am looking for mods!
1. The "good" part of our community means we are pro-empathy and anti-harassment. However, we don't intend to make this a "safe space" where everyone has to be a saint. Sh*t happens, and life is messy. That's why we get things off our chests.
2. Bigotry is not allowed. That includes racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and religiophobia. (If you want to vent about religion, that's fine; but religion is not inherently evil.)
3. Frustrated, venting, or angry posts are still welcome.
4. Posts and comments that bait, threaten, or incite harassment are not allowed.
5. If anyone offers mental, medical, or professional advice here, please remember to take it with a grain of salt. Seek out real professionals if needed.
6. Please put NSFW behind NSFW tags.
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Try telling that to the average single woman. I can't tell you how many times I've heard it explained that they "don't owe you a flat-out rejection" and that you're just supposed to figure it out when they stand you up or ghost you.
Nevermind whether or not you're legitimately concerned for their well-being and want to make sure they're safe. No, in fact, if you try checking in with them to make sure everything is okay then that makes you a chauvinist pig who feels entitled to a response from women; and they don't need your concern because they're strong and independent! (Oh but if they got assaulted on their way to your meetup and are in the hospital but you don't check in with them then you're an insensitive asshole; you're just supposed to know clairvoyantly which is the case in a given situation).
They could be dead in a car accident for all you'll ever find out unless you get a read receipt, and you're just supposed to take it on the chin and move on like it was nothing.
Nevermind the soul-crushing questions like "was it something I said" or "I wonder what I did wrong," which can be very confusing when all you have to go on is your own imagination, especially when it tends to fill in the gaps with the worst possible scenarios.
Nope, your feelings and the impact it has on you literally do not matter, it doesn't even register for them. Even if that could all be mitigated by a simple "No thank you" or a "Hey actually I've decided to change my mind, I'm just not feeling it." No, that's too much to expect apparently, and you're a sexist if you think otherwise. You might literally lose your grip on reality, experience depersonalization and catastrophic breakdown of your self-esteem, akin to what happens to victims of gaslighting. But none of that matters. You don't matter. Women don't have to tell you no, you're just supposed to always assume that the default answer is no. Even when they say yes. Unless you're Brad Pitt, of course.
Also, the issue isn't whether it's more rude to say no upfront or to say yes and then ghost. Rejection is anybody's right, but ghosting is rude. The issue is that with rejection, they have to face your disappointment (whether you handle it well or not is beside the point), and with ghosting, they never have to see the impact that it has on you. They can fire and forget.