I don't know what culture you live in but sometimes people say yes when they mean maybe and need a separate RSVP event to actually confirm. I know New Zealanders always say yes because it's rude to say no even though they already knew they're not coming.
this post was submitted on 30 May 2026
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This matches my experiences. People have become flaky to the point of absurdity. I don't know exactly how or when this started, but I suspect that cell phones have altered people's behavior in this regard.
Consider that before cell phones, you couldn't just send a text to cancel plans last minute - if you made a plan to show up, and you wanted to bail, you still often had to show up because you couldn't be sure someone would have a phone available. Someone not keeping their plans would cause concern. Now everyone's got a cell phone in their pocket and can send a message 5 minutes before a scheduled event to say they're not coming. It's become normal, and the more it happens, the more people will scale back on planning get-togethers because there's no way to depend on anyone showing up.
To be clear, I don't think it's cell phones per se that led to this, but the behavior of people with the ability to communicate with anyone, anywhere, instantly. People feel safer changing plans last minute because it's easy and they feel no consequence - only the poor friend who put the time, money, and effort into planning gets the pain from the fall-out. Everyone else just sends a text and goes on their merry way, oblivious to the fact that many people are doing the same thing and it absolutely can result in whoever's planning the event being left completely alone. I've seen it myself for parties, I've seen it happen with work-planned movie nights, and here it's happening to you, too. Something in the culture has changed, and I don't know how we can rectify it.
Hopefully the family was still part of the party!
It feels bad, but at least you know who you can absolutely rely on, who will be there for you.
This many people fucking you around there was probably an error somewhere, wrong date or time or something. Otherwise all those people are assholes. Sorry this happened. I hope you still had a good BBQ with your family.
I want to agree on this benefit of doubt. But I know my sibling had the exact same scenario happen, for a Halloween/birthday party. It was very disheartening
Aww man, I'd have loved BBQ today. It was my birthday and entirely uneventful aside from texts from people who didn't necessarily remember the day but had it saved on their socials.
If you're in OR somehow, and within a reasonable range of Portland - I will absolutely show up if you do this again.
If you aren't, DM the general area and maybe I know some good people there that would happily chip-in and show up.
For my son's 2nd birthday we invited all of the kids from day care, ask of my friend's kids, basically anyone we knew with a kid to the party. One woman and her son showed up. I made so much food, I stupidly spend far more money than we could afford for this thing.
I know how you feel friend. Hope your weekend gets better.
That sucks, sorry your plan didn't work out. Since it's a 2nd birthday party, did you plan it around a nap time? Toddlers at that age are quite temperamental, and it takes a lot of effort/changing their day to attend a party that's anywhere from 11am-4pm. That's the only reason I can think of that might cause people to ghost you last minute.
However, I'm also not above sending a message to everyone who RSVPd yes and explaining to them what it is they did. Just being like "hey, when you RSVP yes, we're actively including you and people we expect to come with you in our plans. Please respect our time, effort, money, and also your decency as a human being by adequately replying to the RSVP."
I'm also not above burning bridges so uhh YMMV if you go that route.
It could also be a case of each individual person thinking that they individually won't be missed, hoping that there'll be plenty of other people there anyway.
It was over 18 years ago, I have no idea what time we planned it. All the invites and replies were by hand.
It was not my first kid, so I am well aware of nap time. Also we never missed a party we said we would attend because it was nap time.
I would be stoked if someone invited me to a BBQ to show off their back yard. I'm sorry the people you invited are... well how can I describe them? Awful? Selfish? Incomplete?
I would've been there. Fashionably on-time, like a wizard.
Me too! OP should advert a new one and we should all show up*.
(*If we're in range)
Wait! A barbecue meetup would rock.
Ten people saying yes to your face then not showing up makes me think something else is going on here. Did you send a text the day before, too?
It could be a date or time was wrong, or people were too exhausted to go by the time it came around. Communication would be useful though.
idk about the culture where you live, but for me it would be quite the disrespect by them. But it depends if it was a "yes, I'll come" for pure politeness. Or if it is sincere. But anyways, its ridiculous.
Or have you put in the wrong date? :D
Lets see if someone shows up tomorrow
Keep us updated 😆
It's a real thing in Seattle. That's why everyone has loose invites and byob, and sometimes food or your own protein, to the party. It's a crap shoot.
It's a thing to tell people you're going and then not show up?
That seems like a thing that shouldn't be a fucking thing.
Seattle here, Dexter Ave. I feel like this was a thing before I found community. It's about knowing who is genuinely your friend and keeping them. I think we as people are wishful and wear rose colored glasses in this respect.
I feel like this was a thing before I found community.
Oh yeah, for sure. I think we all have those loose invites though, lol.
On another note, there seems to be a large percentage of Seattleites on Lemmy. It's kind of cool.
I've had similar turnout the past few times I've tried to host a get-together. I have given up entirely on hosting at this point. The cost and disappointment just isn't worth it to me any more.
That's a bummer. I've had the same thing happen and the feeling sucks. Hope tomorrow is a better day.
Damn bro if your in the same area I’d come through
Yeah, we are defo not on the same area. i'm in Spain
La gente de España parecen más rudos que los Salvadoreños en ese caso. Cierto que llegamos tarde típicamente como Salvadoreños, pero por lo menos llegamos eventualmente.
Cuanto tiempo de aviso tuvieron? En el OP parece como si dijistes que los invitastes el mismo día.
Tuvieron más de una semana de aviso la verdad.
Same here, OP - I'll bring some beer!
I’ve literally got a cooler full of beer post pool day. Seriously if this dude told me he was near I’d be in my way.
aint gonna keep me away from bbq.