me_irl

People tend to push to partner up or fuck within a few weeks of meeting and it’s almost invariably a resounding no from me. After that, ime, people don’t usually care to hang/ get to or get to know each other and either ghost or play endless phone tag until it’s not worth continuing.

So, I'll admit I'm an Elder Millennial with a more archaic experience. But I did notice that hooking up (or trying to) inside the first three dates was a bad sign for the relationship.

That said, I've also found - personally and through friends - that you kinda have to mix and mingle until you find someone who clicks. And most people won't. But the ones that do - even if the relationship doesn't last - are people you can keep being friends with for the rest of your life.

I'll also say that attitudes around monogamy - especially early in a relationship - are all the fuck over the place. "Wait, are we exclusive or not?" is a conversation that has ended badly for a lot of people I know.

There have been two people that I ended up with a much deeper connection with than expected over the last 3-4 years or so and both of those have turned into beautiful lasting friendships. Those are cherished and fulfilling in their own right but deeper romance feels like a pipe dream at this point.

I mean that's about my average as well. Every couple of years I meet someone I really connect with. And then the game becomes finding time to be with these people as often as possible (which distance and free time, etc, can complicate).

But over a lifetime? That can add up to a lot of people. And you really only need one to click hard enough to be a spouse