this post was submitted on 09 Jun 2026
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me_irl
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I didn’t say anything about not liking either of these. The two scenarios are qualitatively different. The purpose of the one at home is to learn what happened that day, how the other person feels about it, planning what we do with the rest of our day, and so on. It’s an exchange of information.
The purpose of asking the cashier about their day is not to actually learn what happened with them (unless you actually know the person of course). It is exchanging pleasantries or just making banter, without the intent of exchanging any information that matters to the other person. I don’t dislike it. But it’s not a conversation, it’s small talk.
I read your top level comment as well and you do seem really irked that some people differentiate small talk from conversation. It seems like you’re fighting windmills though, and it’s in fact you who for some reason has strong feelings about the topic.
Small talk is an important part of interpersonal communication, and it’s good when it creates a sense of comfort, belonging, or serves as the prelude for a deeper conversation. But it can be annoying if it’s self serving, because either it fails creating any positive feelings, or it never gets past the warmup phase. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people who don’t enjoy small talk, or with those who do.
I guess my gripe is the examples people give, like if you really don't care, why ask? And I don't mean the standard "hi how are you fine thanks you fine" dance, I mean why ask a cashier how their day is going if you don't care? If you want to talk to them, why wouldn't you ask them something you actually do care about? There are plenty of ways to conversate, break ice, fill a silence (if people feel so obligated) that don't involve asking questions that they don't care about, so why ask the ones they don't care about and then complain about the process? "Omg, I asked the cashier about the weather, but I hate talking about the weather and it sucked." Then ask about something you do want to talk about if you want to talk? It's not like it's impossible.
Because it's polite, we live in a society
I never said not to though, lmao, I said to pick something you actually want to talk about.
I never said you said not to, LOL
That's the question I answered, it's in the very first sentence of the comment I responded to.
If it's a short interaction, I'd rather just exchange meaningless pleasantries to indicate to them I'm a normal person and we can both go about our days. I don't necessarily want to talk to them at all, but saying, "hey how's it going" "fine, how are you" takes no effort and lets both parties quickly evaluate the mental and emotional state of the other. It's social lubricant, it's more hygenic than shaking strangers' hands and quicker than telling them your life story. Plus if it's someone doing their job, I'm not going to try to start a substantive conversation with them, that might just distract them and cause them to make a mistake.
You don't need to talk to them at all. A cashier does not need to "evaluate your mental and emotional state." If you don't want to, don't do it.
🤣🤣🤣 yeah ok, lololol. If you can't see the benefit in the person in charge of all the money knowing who they're dealing with, you'll never grasp the benefit of small talk. Have a good day!
If you think a cashier is going to scam you because you don't talk to them then I think you have some serious trust issues.
If you think I think a cashier is going to scam me because I didn't talk to them then you completely misunderstood what I was talking about, just like I predicted.
What "benefit" does "someone in charge of all the money" being able to "evaluate your mental and emotional state" give you? And how would you expect me to take such a line of reasoning other than you having a paranoia about someone scamming you?
I was describing ways in which being nice to strangers by default can benefit me, because you couldn't understand it. You obviously still don't. How about this one: Treat others like you want to be treated. When I've done a customer-facing service job in the past, I liked it when the customers recognized my existence and were kind to me. So that's what I do for them. 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️ Sue me.
When did I "make a big deal about hating small talk"? All I said was I don't care what is said, which is the definition of small talk. Don't tell me you've been responding to the wrong person this whole time 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
You've been making an argument against the idea that people shouldn't talk about things they don't want to then be upset and say they like dislike small talk when I suggested they should instead either say nothing or talk about a topic they actually want to. You said you were answering the "if you really don't care, why ask" part, and when I clarified that I was specifically saying to instead pick something you do care about the answer to (instead of picking something you'll hate talking about and then complain about it, which is what that post you replied to was saying). I even reiterated. You even said it's not something you want to do. So, I don't really understand you when you say that you believe you've never made a big deal about hating small talk. The whole time I've been saying to just pick something you wanna talk about instead and you have disagreed with it as well as said you don't want to do it. To me that certainly sounds like you're saying you dislike small talk.
Maybe work on communicating your thoughts more clearly, because I don't know how you expected me to think anything differently from the course of this discussion. It sounds like we agree, but you're just intent on making it into a disagreement for some odd reason. It's like you only read the first part of that first post and ignored the end and wanted to make me out to be someone who thinks they're above talking to blue collar workers.
I've never suggested people shouldn refuse to engage in small talk, only that if they genuinely hate small talk, they shouldn't feel obligated to strike up a conversation, or that they should actually choose a topic they want to talk about instead of choosing ones they don't want to talk about and then complaining that they're talking about something they don't want to talk about.
That's just Lemmy, it won't expand past that comment for me, happens a lot on here (to me at least). I'm too tech-illiterate to figure it out. You gotta admit tho, that sentence I was talking about was craaaaazy lol
I said I didn't necessarily want to talk to them, as in I didn't walk into the grocery store to have a conversation with the cashier, I walked in to buy groceries. I've found engaging in a modicum of unimportant chitchat facilitates this process. I have no feelings positive or negative towards small talk, it's simply a tool for navigating society.
Speaking of unclear thoughts though, I have absolutely no clue what that derailed train crash of a first sentence is supposed to mean.
The train crash is you not replying to the most recent message in our conversation.
It puts them at ease so they can do their job accurately and efficiently. Maybe there's a bag fee and I don't have my reusable bags and they say don't worry about it. Maybe they make sure to bag my groceries without putting a gallon of milk on top of a loaf of bread. Maybe it's a restaurant I get food at periodically and they remember me being nice to them and they throw me a coupon or a free dessert. Maybe they were having a shitty day and just needed someone to look them in the eyes and see that they existed and making them feel better makes me feel better. Maybe they're really Morgan Freeman God in disguise and they're going to make me a deity for a day. I don't know man, it's just fucking nice. I don't need another reason.
Do you really ignore blue collar workers who are doing a job for you and just refuse to speak to them for no reason?
Talking to someone about a topic you specifically say you don't enjoy talking about only for the hopes that they'll give you freebies isn't nice, it's actually pretty shitty. Like you view the purpose of a social interaction as a gamble to win a prize. Mind you, if you didn't make such a fuss about hating the process of small talk, I wouldn't think that, but because you say it's something you don't want to be engaging in, I don't see how else to view what you're saying as some strange transactional thing instead of human to human connection.
And no, I don't refuse to speak to cashiers. If they talk to me, I answer. If there's something I actually want to say, then I say it. I follow blue collar workers around my house so I can learn about what they're doing because I'm curious. Don't frame this as some sort of elitist snobbery when all I said was that if you don't want to talk to someone about something that you either shouldn't talk at all or choose a different topic you actually want to talk about.