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most perverted men are actually very vanilla and run away when faced with a perverted woman
(lemmy.world)
this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2026
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Normal kinky is whatever you like that's a step or two beyond vanilla missionary stuff. Intentional, deliberate stuff that requires a bit of trust. Or, at least, willingness to try something. Could be rimming or other butt stuff. Could be dressing up or light role play. Dirty talk. Threesomes. Spanking. Things like that. Things that most couples might try one or twice to satisfy curiosity.
Very kinky requires a lot of trust. Bondage. S&M. Knives. Group situations. Hugely demeaning public stunts. Glory holes. It's consensual teamwork toward a deep, psychological goal.
i really don't like "knives" in there
And yet, the people into it are all about it. Don't yuck their yum. And it's more of a scraping and almost-but-not cutting thing. Usually.
I've seen it done in an up close private performance. 100% not for me personally, but seeing it happen, hearing the scraping, seeing the woman go wild for it was amazing. I respect the discipline needed to do it right.
yeah no yucking, i didn't mean it like "nobody should do it", but like "i really don't like that idea"
I dislike the notion that some people lay down of "oh that's not kinky, what I do is kinky". It's not a competition, nobody gets points for being at some "level" of the game. A good kink gets you off HARD and you have an awesome time. It doesn't have to be some fucking extreme thing where you have to have a bunch of tattoos, black leather, knives, ropes and all that shit. It can be that stuff, but it can be whatever dials up the fuck-o-meter to 11. Fetlife is full of people who want to gatekeep some shit. Every group has insular douchebags who want to say they are the expert. Fuck right off with all that shit.
100% agree, and we agree on the 27-axis spectrum graph.
Personally, I see it as the only real requirement is trust with a partner. That's also an axis, but without full trust, the less socially acceptable stuff gets out of reach. Doesnt matter what it is, if you trust someone else to do a thing to get you off hard and ping that fuck-o-meter to 11, that's key.
And gatekeepers of kinks are idiots. Telling people how they should enjoy getting off isn't a kink itself, it's asshole behavior.