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He always looks like someone is slowly but steadily sliding hardboiled eggs into his ass, and he’s trying not to react.
That is no my chosen curse to wish upon folks. Experiencing that sensation constantly, and if you turn back to look you will see a ragged four armed crone with a basket of eggs and she will gaze into your eyes and show you the end of all things and you will experience a relative eternity of psychological horror until you find yourself back in that exact moment before you turned to look, feeling the cold old hands of the crone grabbing at your starfish and feeding it egg after egg after egg. You fear to look, you don’t know if others can see her going about her eggly duties. All you know is that you never want to experience what you did again. And at that moment, she stops. You feel nothing. You don’t know if she is still there, but you fear to look. After some time you wonder if she’s gone forever, you start to feel safer, and eventually chalk it up to a stress hallucination and get ready to go stand in front of congress, your case prepared, you’re ready, you get to your seat, feeling confident.
You’re asked your first question by the members in attendance, and right then, as your lips have just began to split in order to give your response, you smell sulfur and feel the cold hands of destiny at your lower back, pulling your pants down to just below your butt, and you feel the smooth, practiced motion of the crone going to work on your bike rack…