Found this article posted to another community, and thought to cross post it here.
The gist of the article is that girls suffer in silence because they don't match the profile of boys with ADHD, but i found myself relating to it very much, even though I'm not a girl, and my parents did know pretty early.
Key Paragraph:
And like many other issues regarding mental health, hiding only makes it worse. The effort to perform as neurotypical is more common among girls and begins in early adolescence. A girl will study how other kids behave and copy it, suppressing the urge to move and turning a fear of mistakes into perfectionism that, from the outside, reads as being a strong student. The research on the cost is consistent: higher camouflaging tracks with greater anxiety, depression, and lower quality of life. By June, the reserves are gone, and the mask that is held through every class period tends to shatter the moment she feels safe, usually at home.
So i spent my childhood trying to fit in but also be myself. My parents were pretty sure i had ADD (inattentive) by first grade, because I was a boy, and i didn't really pay attention in normal ways and never really understood why i should do what everybody else was doing in school, or even notice that it was time to do that.
But as I grew up and especially in high school, i tried my best to work super hard and try to be smart and get good grades (one of my biggest innovations was to do my homework on the bus every day before i got home from school and got distracted) but also i got in the habit of guilt tripping myself to get work done, "stop being lazy, etc.,"
This worked until it didn't and i burn out pretty hard and got pneumonia as my body physically collapsed under the pressure of junior year. I'd say that set the tone for my life since then -- try to do a good job, lose energy and fail.
My life recently has been about trying to relearn how to be productive and still be true to myself while also dealing with all the baggage from trying to force myself to achieve good grades and do the best i could.
Can anyone relate to this broadly? Have you found anything to help you understand it or overcome it?
I’ve always been a failed perfectionist, as a guy. I never had good grades growing up and was frequently late turning in assignments, since I was still a perfectionist in my approach for my about average-grade-level quality of work. So I was wrong quite a lot and got points off for always being late and turning things in late as well.
I still masked to try to not look too far behind among my friends that always outshined me. I had some friends that struggled as much as me and we went through retaking a few classes together back in high school.
After taking time away from school and working for a year I was able to feel fresh when I went to university. I did much better than I ever did growing up and even got honors.
Daily affirmations helped me a little to let go of some of the baggage for each day and it still helps me.
Creating rituals I can follow and look forward to following has helped as well, such as my morning routine of drinking coffee before I talk to anyone or do anything.
Spending time to find things to be thankful for helped me a lot so I can find joy in some of the smaller things again.
In college, I succeeded a lot by always sitting in the very front and just absorbing 100% of every lecture while taking notes the whole time on paper. I barely could ever takeaway anything memorable from the textbooks, but by pouring my full learning into the lectures I was even able to do well in the classes I struggled the most in like calculus. A good in-class instructor was very important for my success because of my learning style as well. Rewriting the lectures in my own words was my trick to make it stick for me, and the technique worked fairly well for non-textbook related readings for me as well.
On a side note, showing myself and others tenderness has been my current goal. I’m avoiding harping on myself too much when I don’t feel in the mood to do something, but then when I’m in the mood to be productive I’m doing more to make up some of the difference.
I’ve also been reconnecting with the person I was a bit growing up, at least in the more positive ways. It’s helped me to find a bit more wonder in the day-to-day.
TL;DR: Give yourself a pat on the back for getting up and trying each day, since the effort does matter.