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Why does every married man I talk to about marriage benefits seem to feel that staying single is better? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) by King@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@sh.itjust.works

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[–] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 13 points 3 days ago

Can I ask if all of those you're asking got married in their 20s? If so, I think I have a guess as to why they say that:

They weren't fully mature adults when they got married and have no concept of having to do 100% of "adulting" by themselves or this is true of the person they married. They may have a view of single-adulthood of a 20 year old, and that simply isn't applicable anymore in your 30s, 40s, 50s, or later.

In my opinion, a marriage is an equal distribution of the work of maintaining two lives. It isn't equal 100% of the time as there are ebbs and flows to life that one partner will have to carry more than the other at times. However, in aggregate it should be equal effort. If there isn't equal distribution for too long a time, then that can lead to resentment from the one carrying more of the load. If there isn't good communication between both, both could be resentful thinking they are carrying the majority as they are ignorant to what the other is carrying for the relationship.

The most important decision of life is picking the right partner to go on the journey with. You want someone that will be there for you when you need them because they love you, and someone you love so deeply you can't think of any other choice than being there for them.