Ask Lemmy community on sh.itjust.works. Ask us anything you feel like asking, just make sure it's respectful of others and follows the instance rules.
Because they're unhappy and don't communicate with their partner. I'm happily married and I'd say no such thing my wife is my nest friend.
When hanging out with my other married friends they all had complaints and turned in to a bit of a bitching fest. "My wife does that too!" Sort of thing. All I could think is that it'd be easily solved if they talked to their wife....
nest friend
I hope that’s not a typo.
Nope..... Not now anyway
Are you in IT? I swear, every conversation with a male, married coworker is the same:
My dudes. I've been married for nearly 20 years now. Our sex life changed as we got older but it's still banging. I play video games with her, she laughs at my jokes/memes. I can't imagine either being alone or with someone else.
Yep, I'm a Linux Sysadmin/DevOps and married a developer. Your experience is the same as mine as all my friends are IT also.
We don't play games but we do fun shit together. I self host everything and she adds on to it. Almost all our smart home logic is hers. Aside from tech we are completely different people too so a lot of the time is spent doing our own thing happily together in the same room.
We're both devs, but I'm the ops also and the one with 25 years of *nix experience. She loves the smart home setup (I started back on X10!) but I can't convince her for shit to contribute and it does bother me. And yeah I've communicated that, the logic/automations is also what I would love to offload.
In an otherwise happy marriage is definitely a pet peeve of mine.
Maybe it’s just the area you’re in or the sample size? All my married friends are loving it, myself included.
I wake up and see my best friend everyday, how cool is that?
Sounds like a non-random sampling. Lots of happily married guys spend their time at home, and/or with their kids, not so much with other adults.
Can I ask if all of those you're asking got married in their 20s? If so, I think I have a guess as to why they say that:
They weren't fully mature adults when they got married and have no concept of having to do 100% of "adulting" by themselves or this is true of the person they married. They may have a view of single-adulthood of a 20 year old, and that simply isn't applicable anymore in your 30s, 40s, 50s, or later.
In my opinion, a marriage is an equal distribution of the work of maintaining two lives. It isn't equal 100% of the time as there are ebbs and flows to life that one partner will have to carry more than the other at times. However, in aggregate it should be equal effort. If there isn't equal distribution for too long a time, then that can lead to resentment from the one carrying more of the load. If there isn't good communication between both, both could be resentful thinking they are carrying the majority as they are ignorant to what the other is carrying for the relationship.
The most important decision of life is picking the right partner to go on the journey with. You want someone that will be there for you when you need them because they love you, and someone you love so deeply you can't think of any other choice than being there for them.
Just stay single.
Until one day someone makes you feel like you don't want to be single anymore.
Then maybe after a few years, marriage makes sense. Maybe it doesn't.
But if you rush into it, it's not gonna work out.
Are you just surveying random people? Is there some specific demographic from which you're drawing generalizations? You certainly haven't talked to me, and I'm much happier spending my life with my best friend than I would be alone.
Marriage might be superficially labeled as a holy thing, but in reality it's more or less just a combined tax contract with the government.
Well, a bit more than just taxes. Being able to make some legal or health decisions for your spouse at times, and being protected from being used legally against your spouse are there too. Many private companies also extend benefits to spouses that wouldn't under any other legal constructs.
Umm, okay. I've never been married before, but apparently I'm registered as the person to inherit my roommate's vehicle should he pass or fall under bad health, amongst other things usually associated with family/marriage.
But I'm not married. But if needed, I could take power of attorney on his behalf. But his niece down the road would probably end up handling all that anyways..
I dunno, hope he lives a good long life, he just hit 66 years old, been living together for like 7 years now.
First, I'll disclose I'm not a legal expert, but I just went through most of this recently when getting married and while setting up my revocable trust, so lots of this is still top-of-mind.
Umm, okay. I’ve never been married before, but apparently I’m registered as the person to inherit my roommate’s vehicle should he pass or fall under bad health,
Unless you're registered on the title to the vehicle with your roommate, your roommate's estate will have to go through the probate process before along with cooperation from your roommate's executor you'd receive the car, or possible not at all if the estate had debts. If you were married to your roommate you'd have no problem being put on the title and the car instantly is yours on their passing. No probate. All of this assumes a paid-off car. A car with loan still on it is more complicated.
amongst other things usually associated with family/marriage.
You can be legally compelled to testify against your roommate in legal proceedings. A spouse cannot be.
But I’m not married. But if needed, I could take power of attorney on his behalf. But his niece down the road would probably end up handling all that anyways…
As I understand it, your roommate would need to sign over Power of Attorney prior the need. If they were already incapacitate you'd have no ability to do the things needed for them that would require Power of Attorney. As an example, you would not be able to access their bank accounts to pay their bills while they were incapacitated. With a spouse you'd already have shared expenses and be able to service anything while your mate is not capable.
I dunno, hope he lives a good long life, he just hit 66 years old, been living together for like 7 years now.
I hope so too, but life moves quickly and, many times, without notice of what is to come.
He has arranged official papers tacked on his wall with all the information necessary for me and his family to proceed should something happen to him.
I'm in tight contact with his family, so really if something happens to him, they'll come along and sort most of it out. But I know they'll respect me, I can't and don't even want everything anyways. But I'm pretty sure they'll agree the vehicle should rightfully go to me, as I do most of the work on it.
But I'm here to keep him living as long as possible, I don't want a damn thing except happiness and life for myself, my mother right down the road, my roommate, and basically everyone around me...
He has arranged official papers tacked on his wall with all the information necessary for me and his family to proceed should something happen to him.
For it to be a legal Power of Attorney the agent usually needs to be named. Does the Power of Attorney he has prepared have your name specifically? Additionally many states require his signature to be performed in the presence of a Notary. You'd need to check the requirements in your state. Alternatively, you mentioned the niece. Does he have a Power of Attorney document naming her as his agent? I'm not bringing this stuff up as any kind of "scoring points", I just want to help him and you that the preparations he's made are sufficient to fulfill his wishes should the situation become necessary.
I’m in tight contact with his family, so really if something happens to him, they’ll come along and sort most of it out. But I know they’ll respect me, I can’t and don’t even want everything anyways. But I’m pretty sure they’ll agree the vehicle should rightfully go to me, as I do most of the work on it.
I really hope you don't have a negative experience, but a shockingly common thing to happen is that the wishes of the dead are promptly ignored on their passing as those (usually family) are set to gain from the passing.
But I’m here to keep him living as long as possible, I don’t want a damn thing except happiness and life for myself, my mother right down the road, my roommate, and basically everyone around me…
I hear ya. We all want that, or something similar. We hope for the best, but we need to plan for the worst. This is where good and proper legal preparation during the good times can be an incredible benefit during the bad times.
I dare not ask him exactly how his paperwork is fully arranged, but I know exactly where the paperwork is, should anything happen.
He's already had a couple episodes of hypothermia where his body temperature got as low as 91⁰F..
He's basically perfectly okay these days, as long as he doesn't drink beer anymore. Still, he's got all his contact info, insurance info, and other relevant documents tacked up on the wall right behind his bedroom door.
His niece is also a good friend of mine, and she helps everyone within her means, she's something of a financial advisor..
My roomie ain't even got much worth stealing, but he's got plenty enough family around (way more than just the niece), that nobody's gonna fuck with his stuff..
Because the grass is greener on the other side, I guess? It's easy to overestimate the benefits of choices you didn't take, like "staying single".
I am married and wouldn't want it any other way.
Marriage is, among other things, a huge financial responsibility (and risk). Now is a particularly bad time to ask people for their opinion on these things.
Maybe they were unhappy being single too and being with them is still better?
I mean. With a question like this you are going to get a lot of opinion on this and its mostly going to be realtive that persons lived experience. So I guess before I start im just saying I like others have personal bias based on my feelings. Is my wife my best friend. Heck no. I can think of no better way to stop being good friends with someone than living with them 24x7, combining all property and finances, and having to have mutual agreement on how your lives will run. Marriage is far more than just friendship. For myself and your question. It begins with men. Im not sure if im typical but I think I am when I say a man feels he is responsible to support his family. Even if there is dual incomes a man like myself will view the buck as stopping with him. He is responsible for whatever state the support of his family is in. He will feel guilt that he could not somehow bring more to it and feel often that his spouse and/or children would have been better off without him. This drives him to work jobs or do other things in ways he essentially wants to do. Its almost impossible for him to provide enough. enough food is great but how about shelter. food and shelter good then how about education and healthcare. all of that good and then hey are you providing enough outside of school opportunities and hey are you working to much and not providing enough time to the kids. it just goes on and on. Now woman have this too but I think the thought processes are different. When woman converse about this with their spouses the men will often hear that they don't make enough or are successful enough or have provided enough. I think woman do the same but for them its that they will feel they are being told they don't personally do enough. Men often are simple. If they were single they would not need all this money. They could live in an efficiency on rice and beans and whatever. What I guess im trying to say is its an escapist fantasy. If I was single and did not have all these problems then I could be a monk or a mountain man or whatever. Fact is if they were they would just be lonely and if they ever lost their spouse they would be devastated. Its not about marriage its about not feeling good enough and wanting to be free of the weight of responsibility.