As stated in the title, I am a pedophile who has never abused children, and I have no intention of doing so. My attraction is also non-exclusive, meaning I am also attracted to adults. I am out to a couple of very close people whom I trust, but nobody else in my life knows.

And I'm becoming increasingly angry and resentful at the direction current society, especially as a US American.

It's bad enough that people like me are constantly vilified by society at large, very often viewed as latent monsters or ticking time bombs rather than as people who happen to have an unfortunate innate attraction. Even if we've never harmed anyone, we're still feared and disdained. Even just talking about our attraction at all represents a serious risk to our social and professional lives.

And now things are getting even worse. States in the US have been increasingly pushing through legislation to criminalize the possession of strictly fictional erotic works involving minors, as well as possession of sex dolls shaped like minors. If this were strictly limited to photo-realistic AI-generated works then I could see at least some merit in it (even though I still disagree with it), but we're now getting to the point where works and materials that clearly do not involve the exploitation of real children in their creation are being outright criminalized.

I am somewhat fortunate that my attraction is non-exclusive, but it IS still there, and doesn't go away just because I'm also attracted to adults. Exclusive pedophiles have it even worse. And now what few ethical methods of engagement and relief we have for our desires are increasingly being made illegal.

It's fucking infuriating.

People like me already have plenty of shit weighing on us just for our very existence. And now we're being denied even the ability to ethically satiate our desires in the peace of our private lives. All because the politicians pushing this crap aren't content with just punishing actual harmful actions and materials, but want to exploit an acceptable target for easy political points. Or at best, out of a misguided notion that this will somehow reduce the risk of child sexual abuse. I can all but guarantee that none of these laws will make kids safer, in fact it's likely going to worsen the rate of actual abuse and exploitation, thanks to the suppression of safer alternatives.

I absolutely hate this trajectory, and I'm coming to outright resent the people who think that this trend is a good thing, for their thoughtlessness, their prejudice, and their lack of empathy. I want so badly to protest against this bullshit, but outside of some very limited avenues, it would basically amount to committing social suicide.

Even just finding a public-interfacing space online to talk about this outside of MAP support forums is exceedingly difficult. On rare occasions, discussion posts on this subject will be allowed to go through, but most of the time, either I am asked to refrain from further discussion of this subject by the mods (often with post removal), or my posts will be instantly removed by automatic filters. At the worst end, I've eaten a few bans.

Lately I've been experiencing bouts of intense anger and depression at all of this, especially the fact that it seems nearly impossible to speak out about it. It's sometimes been bad enough to cause physical pain in my head and chest, like all the stress and emotion I've had to keep contained are threatening to burst out. It's why I'm deeply hoping that this post will be allowed to stand, so I can finally be allowed to say my piece.

So...yeah. That's where I'm at right now. I'm pretty sure matters on this front are going to continue to get worse before they get better.