My 5.5yo daughter is very shy, so I've been pushing her into hobbies to help managing her shyness. I've talked about how being shy is fine, but it's something to work on, otherwise she'll have a really hard time making friends. I'm shy and told her about that.
I took her to a gymnastics class (we do gymnastics together at open gym), but she refused to join the class. I said if she does one activity (even just a game at the end), I'll get her ice cream. We spent the time sitting on the side.
She didn't do it, so I figure no ice cream then. She's pretty mad. I'm not mad with her, but just of the opinion that we had a deal, and if she wants the reward, she needs to earn it.
Too harsh? Too soft? Alternatives?
EDIT:
So I took a two prong approach. 1. hard rule for no screaming at me or arguing. 2. we can just sit and watch, but if she joins, we leave after 1 exercise, each time slowly staying longer. She seems to feel safe when she's in control of when she leaves, which makes sense. Seems to be working. She expressed that she was surprised the kids and teacher were nice to her and loved it more than her art class.
I'm not 100% sure why she's so afraid of other kids. Maybe something happened at school I don't know about, but she's way less anxious about the class now.
She's scared kids will be mean to her. None of the hobbies are things she's scared of. She loves doing them with me and neighbor friends.
What coping mechanisms would you suggest in this case?
Is that something she's directly told you or your guess as to her motivations? As someone who in adulthood discovered they were neurodivergent, I grew up thinking I was "shy" because that's what everyone told me. Turns out it was autism with ADHD. My point is just because someone is behaving like they're shy, doesn't mean there isn't something else going on.
As for coping mechanisms, school will be a challenge for her soon, right? Might be helpful to factor that into whatever you ask of her - if she's already stressed/tired from dealing with social situations in school, extra activities may be too much. Also, if she has friends who she does these activities with outside of class, maybe invite one of them to the class with her so she has the anchor of someone she knows?
But most importantly, don't try and shape her into who you think she should be. She may be shy her whole life and that's fine. Everyone doesn't need to be an extrovert.
Yeah, she's told me in pretty much every occasion that she's scared the kids or teacher will be mean, but after a couple classes she's fine. Similar with play dates. She's not stressed by social situations at all (other than new ones), in fact, she craves friends a lot and often tells me that she wants to play with other kids. I'm school and neighborhood, she's often the leader and organizes the games for kids.
I'm not trying to make her extroverted to be clear, but I'd actually say she's more extroverted than me. Shyness isn't introversion. In fact, my push for a hobby is to effectively get her more friends to balance playdates that she wants.