Parenting

I am M41 and have a son who is M6. I have posted before about how he is quite sensitive and cries a lot.

Whenever he cries, he will ask for TV to calm him down. I am wondering whether it is wise to give him TV. I worry lest he learn that the way to handle unpleasant emotions is to distract yourself from them with (relatively mindless) entertainment. That doesn't sound like a great emotion management habit... but on the other hand, it might be good enough at his age.

For example, today there was a miscommunication with a friend's family. He thought his friend was giving him some toys, which was apparently not what the other kid meant. When my little guy was told that he could not take the toys home, he cried for a while, and it took TV to calm him down.

I would like advice. Is it fine to give him TV when he cries? And what alternatives can you suggest?

Thanks in advance!

Short piece that recommends gentleness and trying to get ahead of the stressful moment (which frankly seems a bit idealized; I'd love to be able to see the future, but I'm not sure that's easy/reliable). They do make the point that:

Most of what helps a child “have a go” is built in to the everyday conversations at home, not on the morning of the event. It’s about gently setting expectations: that we don’t always have to win, be the best, or get it right, and that’s okay.

And end with:

The goal is a child who learns, over time and in small steps, that they can do hard things, and that being different from the child next to them is okay and a normal part of life.

One of those kinda-subtle policy things that seems to slip by communities.

I am M41. I have a son who is 5, almost 6. The little guy is quite sensitive and cries relatively easily:

• He hates having to wash his hands. Mom and I wash our hands right away when we come home from outside, and often after touching dirty things or before meals. He hates it. He often cries when asked to wash his hands, sometimes for 10 minutes or more. Saying "we also do it" does not help. Washing his hands for him does not help. I asked him what are the worst things about washing hands, but he could not elaborate.
• One day recently, when I took him home from daycare (it was around 16 in the afternoon), he asked me to play with him. I said: "I need to empty the dishwasher first; then I will come play with you." He broke down and cried until I finished my housework and came to play with him.
• He wants Mom to put him to sleep every night. If my wife is out and he has to go to sleep with me, he sometimes cries himself to sleep. I have not found anything I can do that helps.

Whenever he cries or is otherwise in the grip of negative emotions, I try to be as supportive as I can without encouraging it. I talk softly to him, hug him if he wants it, stay close to him if he wants it, and go away if he wants that. I try to praise him when he DOES manage to calm himself down, and NOT reward him for throwing tantrums.

When he cries he often asks to watch TV. I try to avoid letting him watch TV to calm down, but once in a while I cave in and give him TV.

All these things have always been problems, but it seems to me that these behaviours have grown worse this last half year. Do you have any advice?

Thanks in advance!

Is there anything you do that helps summer go smoothly or feel happier and calmer?

The OG Linda Belcher (he's really the voice)

I am M41 and have a 5-year-old son.

Recently I asked in another parenting forum: "At what age can I teach a child to speak nicely even when in a bad mood?"

A couple of people told me that it is important to model emotion handling so that the child can see how the parent handles difficult emotions. This makes me ponder: How do I do this in a visible manner? How can my son tell the difference between "Dad acts calm while experiencing a difficult emotion" and "Dad acts calm while experiencing no emotions"?

I strongly suspect that the distiction is not easily visible. I have done Buddhist-inspired self-improvement practices these last 3 years, and in my own opinion my emotion regulation has improved vastly. But my wife does not seem to notice or appreciate this; it appears that she mostly only sees those rare occasions where I lose my temper and not the many occasions where I remain calm in spite of emotions. If my emotion handling is invisible to her, how can I expect the little guy to pick up on it and learn to emulate it?

How did you find each other? Do you think it makes parenting better? What keeps you together?

What tools would you like to see to keep your kids safe online?

I have a bunch of different apps/services that I need to configure and monitor for my kids. Each has their own controls, terminology, login, etc. It sucks. I'm technically inclined, so I feel like I'm better positioned than most parents to deal with it.

Let's pretend you could mandate standards. What tools would make online safety easier for you to manage?

She's an only child, and we didn't grow up in America, so she's a bit naive on a lot of things. Her teacher advised us the other day that she's such a sweet girl, but middle school could be brutal for her because of that. What are some wholesome shows I can watch with her that helps her get ready for the world?

EDIT:

This is an astounding collection of shows. Thank you so much! We've started watching Amphibia, and really enjoying it so far. I'll add all these to the backlog. Thanks again!

When your (very white) 3 year old son asks for afro puffs like his (very black) sister.

Buddy, I don't know how to explain the difference between textured and untextured hair to you, but let's see if a couple pigtails do it for you.

I have a 14 year old Maine Coon that is terminally ill and has a few weeks at best. Our son recently turned 4 years old and loves animals. We taught him to be kind to all animals, even bugs. He is not particularly attached to the cat, but he likes it well enough (the cat is not a cuddler).

In a few weeks we'll have to go to the vet and have the cat put down. We're wondering how we should approach this with our son. Do we take him with us? Do we let him be present when the cat is put to sleep? Or make him stay in the waiting area? Or do we go when he's in school? What's appropriate for a 4 year old?

On the one hand I think that death is a part of life. And I don't mind that he sees us crying over the cat. But I also don't want to traumatize him or make it bigger than it is.

Any tips?

Hi all! I'm a mod at !WomensStuff@piefed.blahaj.zone a trans inclusive woman only group. I'd really like to do some parenting posts. I'm not a parent so can't do good ones.

Would anyone be able to assist?

I just have to post this because I am soooooo tired of all the videos and stuff I see all over the internet about how dangerous YouTube Kids is. It isn't! It's actually fine! You don't have to let your kids have access to aaaaaallllll of the videos! There is a whitelist feature! It's literally part of the set up process! JFC! My children only have access to videos and channels I specifically chose for them! Like PBS Kids! Please spread the word so I can stop running into these goddamn fearmongering videos.

Does anyone have tips for breastfeeding while babywearing? I'd like to stop taking the baby out and then readjusting all the time (since she inevitably decides she's hungry as soon as she goes in the carrier).

I use both a stretchy wrap and a ring sling. The ring sling is okay enough while sitting down, but we have a regular hangout spot that I'm standing for 2hr.

My daughter will attend high school in Canada after spending 8 years in my home country's schooling system. Her dad is Canadian and she speaks English so I don't worry about language barrier. But Canadian public schools are very different from here. What can I do to help her adjust?

I just need to blabber about this a bit. My face still hurts, because I couldn't stop smiling the entire time. I took her to her first rave when she was eight months old and she's been joining me ever since, at least a couple times a year. I just love that she wants to share these experiences with me. I just love that she gets to see people from their best side and experience this little bit of completely untethered freedom and joy and fun.

I have so many wonderful memories - in a way it feels like yesterday when I was carrying her around or when she was playing all day and night with the other children, covered in mud head to toe. Cuddling up in the sleeping bag after a long, long day. To all the parents of young children here, it really is true: the days are long, but the years are short.

Now she's almost an adult and I know I need to let go. It's alright, it just makes the moments when we are close that much more precious. We had so much fun dancing, playing, sitting by the campfire just talking, talking, talking. She doesn't have to spend this time with me, but she wants to. That makes me feel so blessed.

I know I would love every version of her, but I just adore the adult she is becoming. These children we are raising, they are so much smarter than we are. They understand so much, and they are not afraid to care. She's so full of empathy and care and joy, absolutely fearless.

Oh, anyway, I need to stop or I'll go on forever. I just needed to shout this into the world or my heart would simply burst, lol. Anyway, have a wonderful week, hug your children and love them, love the, love them 🙏 💖 ✨

cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/43455707

Highlight of my day, really

Our 11 year old told us that all her friends watched it already and everyone is talking about it so we watched it as a family last week together.

Since then the whole family is in K-Pop Deamon Hunters feever. The music io on the TV on heavy rotation, the 2.5 years old is totally excited, mom is watching all the behind the scenes videos and I'm reading about the producers and what they did before.

I remember the Frozen craze back then when my niece was little, I am getting the feeling that this movie has the same potential.

I'd say it's worth watching it as a family to understand the craze being it together with your kids, and what costumes you'll need to prepare for the next Halloween :D.