SpectrumDT

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5-year-old is very sensitive; cries a lot - how to handle difficult situations? in c/parenting@lemmy.world
[–] SpectrumDT@feddit.dk 1 points 11 hours ago

What does he say about how he is feeling?

That is a very broad question. I do not understand what you have in mind or what you suggest I investigate. Could you please elaborate.

What does daycare say about his behaviour?

He just switched from one daycare to another (a few weeks ago; the behaviour I describe started long before the switch). The old daycare said he was pretty normal. The new one has not had enough experience with him yet.

5-year-old is very sensitive; cries a lot - how to handle difficult situations? in c/parenting@lemmy.world
5-year-old is very sensitive; cries a lot - how to handle difficult situations? in c/parenting@lemmy.world
[–] SpectrumDT@feddit.dk 1 points 1 day ago

Thanks for the suggestions.

On the hand washing thing, I am guessing it’s a sensory problem. The water is too hot or too cold or too wet, something like that. I think you should cut him slack here, bodies are weird and this may be hard for him in a way that doesn’t make sense to you. Using sanitizer or a water-free hand soap is an option to reduce hand washing frequency, might make it easier on everyone.

I have talked to him a couple of times about the hand-washing, and as far as I can tell it does not appear to be sensory. When I ask him whether it feels uncomfortable or painful or weird for his hands, he says no.

5-year-old is very sensitive; cries a lot - how to handle difficult situations? in c/parenting@lemmy.world
[–] SpectrumDT@feddit.dk 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Thanks for the suggestion.

I have talked to him a couple of times about the hand-washing, and as far as I can tell it does not appear to be sensory. When I ask him whether it feels uncomfortable or painful or weird for his hands, he says no.

Ask for help on things like the dishwasher

I am pretty sure I did that. He didn't want to participate. (It's been two weeks, so I do not remember all the details.)

5-year-old is very sensitive; cries a lot - how to handle difficult situations? in c/parenting@lemmy.world
[–] SpectrumDT@feddit.dk 2 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Thanks for the reply! I do have Asperger myself (though I do not have these particular problems, nor did I as a child).

I have talked to him a couple of times about the hand-washing, and as far as I can tell it does not appear to be sensory. When I ask him whether it feels uncomfortable or painful or weird for his hands, he says no.

Still, it might be worth getting him tested. Thanks.

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5-year-old is very sensitive; cries a lot - how to handle difficult situations? (feddit.dk)
 

I am M41. I have a son who is 5, almost 6. The little guy is quite sensitive and cries relatively easily:

  • He hates having to wash his hands. Mom and I wash our hands right away when we come home from outside, and often after touching dirty things or before meals. He hates it. He often cries when asked to wash his hands, sometimes for 10 minutes or more. Saying "we also do it" does not help. Washing his hands for him does not help. I asked him what are the worst things about washing hands, but he could not elaborate.
  • One day recently, when I took him home from daycare (it was around 16 in the afternoon), he asked me to play with him. I said: "I need to empty the dishwasher first; then I will come play with you." He broke down and cried until I finished my housework and came to play with him.
  • He wants Mom to put him to sleep every night. If my wife is out and he has to go to sleep with me, he sometimes cries himself to sleep. I have not found anything I can do that helps.

Whenever he cries or is otherwise in the grip of negative emotions, I try to be as supportive as I can without encouraging it. I talk softly to him, hug him if he wants it, stay close to him if he wants it, and go away if he wants that. I try to praise him when he DOES manage to calm himself down, and NOT reward him for throwing tantrums.

When he cries he often asks to watch TV. I try to avoid letting him watch TV to calm down, but once in a while I cave in and give him TV.

All these things have always been problems, but it seems to me that these behaviours have grown worse this last half year. Do you have any advice?

Thanks in advance!

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Modelling emotion handling: Can a kid tell "well-handled emotion" apart from "no emotion"? (feddit.dk)
 

I am M41 and have a 5-year-old son.

Recently I asked in another parenting forum: "At what age can I teach a child to speak nicely even when in a bad mood?"

A couple of people told me that it is important to model emotion handling so that the child can see how the parent handles difficult emotions. This makes me ponder: How do I do this in a visible manner? How can my son tell the difference between "Dad acts calm while experiencing a difficult emotion" and "Dad acts calm while experiencing no emotions"?

I strongly suspect that the distiction is not easily visible. I have done Buddhist-inspired self-improvement practices these last 3 years, and in my own opinion my emotion regulation has improved vastly. But my wife does not seem to notice or appreciate this; it appears that she mostly only sees those rare occasions where I lose my temper and not the many occasions where I remain calm in spite of emotions. If my emotion handling is invisible to her, how can I expect the little guy to pick up on it and learn to emulate it?