this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2026
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Leaked new letter is already on jts way by carrier pigeon:
Dear Jonas,
The fact that Minneapolis—city of crooks—has been nominated for a peace prize is an outright insult. I won’t stand by while your nation glorifies a hub of corruption and crime.
I, the only leader who has ever stopped eight wars, now demand that the United States take total command of the entire Arctic, that the UN be dissolved, and that every flag on Greenland be replaced with my own. Denmark’s stupid claim is a joke; the world belongs to those who have the will to seize it.
My record speaks for itself: no one has ever delivered more for peace, security, and American greatness than I have. If you refuse to act, I will unleash a wave of decisive force that will be greater than anything you have ever seen. Believe me.
President DJT
It's missing "THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!"