this post was submitted on 04 Feb 2026
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Cool Guides

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[–] FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website 34 points 3 days ago (2 children)

No one taught you this? Even if nobody sits you down for a lesson, you are taught by example by the people around you when you grow up.

Also, the tipping and keeping doors open for people behind you are not universally applicable. In large swaths of Asia you'll be met by ire or confusion respectively. So maybe this is missing a generated image for being culturally sensitive.

[–] biggerbogboy@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Not disagreeing with what you’re saying here but it seems to assume that everyone is able to understand unspoken etiquette, which unfortunately isn’t the case.

For example, for myself, I hadn’t ever learned about a bunch of these (such as the waiting for other people to exit the elevator/doorway before entering, as well as the acknowledging staff one,) since I barely see them in action nor really concentrate deliberately on them, and it doesn’t help the fact I’m quite likely autistic.

Frankly, it’d be great if I was sat down and told about each of these things early on, it would’ve saved me from many years of confusion, conflict and anxiety, and it would’ve prevented me from thinking the reason I don’t fit in is exclusively my fault and I should pay for it.

[–] FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I frankly don't believe that this guide alone would have solved as many issues for you as it would also cause. What is presented as universal wisdom is never that simple. The "nobody taught you" aspect is not universally true. I counted ten items in the list I was taught in school or by my parents. I'm not the center of the universe but we can extrapolate that some people have been taught some of these things in some setting. So there is already a mistake in the headline.

This "cool guide" is either redundant (letting people exit a place or the elevator first are roughly the same thing) or not specific enough (letting people exit buses and trains etc. before you enter is missing). You should also offer your chair or seat to those who need it more than you (e.g. pregnant, old, or injured people). You don't have to offer a replacement date if you cancel an appointment if you canceled in the first place because you don't want to hang out with an asshole. You don't need to clean up a mess you made while running outside while the house is on fire. There will be instances where you don't need to return a borrowed item in the same or better condition than when you borrowed it. If I lended you my dirty lawnmower I would not expect you to clean it or sharpen its blades before you returned it. The additional wear and tear is factored in already.

This poster gives the impression to contain simple, universal, virtuous truths. But none of them are always simple or always logical. They are at best a patchy guideline missing even more unarticulated conditions and exceptions that render them useless. And if you aren't aware of the missing bits, you'll still have awkward social interactions.

My suspicion is that somebody created a list of things they thought was the epitome of wisdom in general social interactions, in the US and not in a city with public transport options. They possibly used so-called AI to compile this list. It's even more likely that they used it to design the poster and to draw the little pictures. And then posted it online to be praised for their effort (don't aura farm ought to be a bullet point on this poster as well). It deserves to be criticized.

[–] biggerbogboy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago

Yeah, this list was pretty vague honestly, I gotta agree on that front. And yeah, some of these were things I was taught by parents and peers, although that said, I don’t believe I was taught in primary school (or elementary school if that’s easier to understand) about really any of these, since the education system where I live is pretty permissive for what happens in kindergarten, primary school and middle school, but excessively strict in high school for some reason. Although, I do believe I was taught a bunch in kindergarten, but that was so long ago I barely remember anything apart from some kid who pushed me over for no reason lol.

Also yeah, the US-defaultism of this “cool guide” doesn’t really help either, especially as you mentioned, with the lack of public transport etiquette and the insistence on tipping.

There’s also the fact that for something like public transport, or even just doorways in general, exiting and entering is different based on the area and context. Such as where I live, where people on public transport take one side when entering, and the other side exits at the same time, whereas in store doorways for instance, if it’s wide enough it’s the same, but if it’s narrow enough people would need to wait their turn.

Overall, after having a thought about this “guide”, it’s generally low quality and biased, I’d rather just exert more energy trying to understand the etiquette of my peers rather than look at a guide like this unless it’s actually meaningful and specific.

[–] apotheotic@beehaw.org 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] jdr@lemmy.ml 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I wish people would stop reminding me of my existence

[–] apotheotic@beehaw.org 3 points 3 days ago

As a trans autistic person, same.