Raccoons

FYI, this is satire. Full story:

SOMERSET - Authorities arrested Kendra Mullins, 28, after multiple complaints that she was "forming emotional bonds" with raccoons behind a Somerset Wendy's.

Police say Mullins was spotted nightly leaving French fries near the dumpster and referring to the animals as "my boys."

"She told us one raccoon's name was Travis," said an officer.

"That raccoon did not confirm."

Witnesses report Mullins became upset when asked to stop, claiming the raccoons were "misunderstood citizens of the night." The situation escalated when she attempted to give one a tiny hamburger bun "as a peace offering."

Mullins was charged with creating a public nuisance and released, though she warned reporters, "They'll miss me more than anyone!"

This is a developing story.

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