Can you charge her for the eyebrows while you're at it?
this post was submitted on 22 Feb 2026
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FYI, this is satire. Full story:
SOMERSET - Authorities arrested Kendra Mullins, 28, after multiple complaints that she was "forming emotional bonds" with raccoons behind a Somerset Wendy's.
Police say Mullins was spotted nightly leaving French fries near the dumpster and referring to the animals as "my boys."
"She told us one raccoon's name was Travis," said an officer.
"That raccoon did not confirm."
Witnesses report Mullins became upset when asked to stop, claiming the raccoons were "misunderstood citizens of the night." The situation escalated when she attempted to give one a tiny hamburger bun "as a peace offering."
Mullins was charged with creating a public nuisance and released, though she warned reporters, "They'll miss me more than anyone!"
This is a developing story.
The Somerset Insider is a news satire and parody publication. All content contained within this page, however similar to real events, is fictitious. Any real, semi-real or similar names, places, people, products, services and locales are used purely for satirical purposes, and the corresponding story details are purely fictional. Thank you!
Noooo! You don't say!? A headline with far too many unnecessary details only serving to make the situation sound ridiculous? A generic mugshot of an "alternative" looking individual? Zero link to an actual news story?
There was just nothing that could have given it away!
no one mess with her, she's a bad event away from being a DC villain. if left alone she with become a Marvel hero.
If this woman is really only 28, she certainly wasted no time in ruining her life.
Because you hate raccoons?
The weirdly drawn brows, together with her being so pale, made me think for a second it was a picture of porcelain doll.