this post was submitted on 27 Feb 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world 7 points 3 days ago

4&5. I already have the perfect partner so 1 is out. Body swap loses that partner, so 8 is out. Everything else here is just free money with extra steps and my disdain for paying for things isn't so great that I'd limit my options to avoid actually seeing the bill. 20mil initial investments and 30k monthly income while the rest goes to more investments.

Now, that's 360,000 personal and 11,640,000 investment annually. With this money being obtained presumably through magic, I would not need to dedicate time to making it. With the allotted free time, I would purchase or establish an independent bank to store my income as well as a small investing firm to manage my wealth. They would be personally vetted, paid handsomely, and I would dedicate time to accommodate their needs and engage with them. They're not my servants, they're literally the people making this work.

With this established, I would first buy up large swaths of the entertainment industry in rural areas across the US. Bowling allies, movie theatres, pools, gyms, things like that as well as at least one advertising and PR firm. These become socialized. Free access for anyone under 20, memberships are income based sliding scales. Employees are paid fair marker value. I will also broker deals with aldi to begin putting stores in every population bigger than 2k. These ventures are subsidized by my own magic money and dividends from my investments.

After effectively white washing my image with philanthropy for the first 5 years, I will retain a retinue of private mercinaries recruited from military and paramilitary bodies based on their commitment to my cause and picked for a complex mix of loyalty and willingness to do awful things for a good reason. Through a combination of ~~bribery~~ lobbying and the liberal application of men with violence, I will begin to curate government policy. Incentivizing the nationalization of businesses too big to fail, utilities, and infrastructural maintenance needs. Using my network of entertainment venues I will away public opinion in the support of this and candidates I approve of through the application of advertising and psychological warfare techniques.

At year 10, I will begin orchestrating the removal of the wealthy elite. Most live lavish and reckless lifestyles and accidents happen. The key point here is that you can't buy a billionaire but you can buy their dealer and I'm sure he's not getting paid as much as my bowling alley attendants make. With the pool of competing interests dwindling, I will return to step 1 and continue my efforts to effectively make fun free.

And this is why I'm not allowed to have money.