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How do y’all deal with dating?
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this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2023
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AuDHD
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I tried briefly when I was younger. Never went well. Then I randomly met someone online and we had a long-distance toxic relationship on and off for about five years. I’ve been single now for about four years and am as lonely as I am terrified of trying to date again.
Honestly, I’m not even sure I should ever bother dating again. Going through therapy now, and I almost feel like my pursuit of a partner has been more like a search for a caretaker. Who would want to be in a relationship with someone like me? I forget basic things constantly, I’m broke and can barely work, I’m prone to extreme depressive episodes, my anxieties regularly control me, I have difficulty trusting people outside of my immediate family, and I’m not even physically attractive.
I’m “working on myself” through therapy and all that, but I doubt I’ll ever be in a position where I am worthy of love. It’s even less likely I’ll get to a position where I can convince someone else that I’m worth loving.
The way someone explained this to me was: you probably wouldn't judge someone else the way you do yourself - certainly not if you knew the context and what they're dealing with.
Personally speaking, I feel like I don't judge someone else the way I judge myself because I don't know the full extent of what they are going through but I have access to all of my thoughts, memories, and every action I did or didn't take. This lowers the possibility of there being a hidden, valid reason for actions or thoughts that I judge myself for compared to others.
This isn't meant to say that MisterMcBolt is right about their self-judgement. Just wanted to point out another possible reason for judging others differently from yourself.
Sounds really rough. I know you didn’t ask for advice, but I really wish I started on meds earlier. Sertraline and methylphenidate worked really well for me. Therapy alone just didn’t cut it.
Why hello me.