this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2026
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Autism

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Anyone notice how all (well intentioned) advice for autistic people is just "mask harder"? (lemmy.ca)
submitted 1 day ago by sveltecider@lemmy.ca to c/autism@lemmy.world
75 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

What the title says. Well intentioned, often other "neurodivergent" people look at your life, your autism, and say: "you should mask harder."

For example, I accidentally said something that offended a friend. Won't go into detail, but it was me unintentionally coming off as arrogant, not something bad like a slur or hate speech.

I asked for advice (elsewhere) and the advice was universally, "you see, NT avoid this topic at all costs. Going forwards, know it is best to avoid this topic."

But isn't this just saying "mask harder and be more palatable for everyone else"?

Every piece of "autism advice" I see even in "neurodivergent friendly" communities is basically "how to be less autistic."

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[โ€“] Viceversa@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That was toxic.

[โ€“] Arcanepotato@crazypeople.online 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Help me understand.

What is not toxic to you:

  • A person has a disability which makes task x difficult to perform.
  • Everyone agrees that this person has this disability and that this disability makes it hard to perform task x
  • If they try to perform task x they may not understand they are doing it incorrectly, again because of the disability that everyone agrees is real and this person has.
  • no one is expected to create an environment where task x is made easier
  • when this person fails at task x, it is treated as a moral failing
  • inability to perform task x puts access to fundamental needs at risk

What is toxic:

  • being told that you do not understand the experience that someone is trying to express

Is this accurate?