I am feeling insecure and scared right now. My husband of ten years and I have been separated for about a year. Things are up and down but we've been seeing a therapist. He has a history of aggressive driving. Today, he was driving fast, then passed a slower car in a no passing zone going 30 MPH over the speed limit. It scared me. When I said something, his initial response was "either I passed them or I was going to be angry behind them the entire time", then later that he should have warned me first. No apology.
I felt uncomfortable so I asked him to pull over. He did, and I explained I felt unsafe so I'd be more comfortable if I drove for awhile. He refused and told me "I just don't care about your safety or comfort right now", then explained it was because he was angry with me about something that happened earlier. What. The. Fuck. He's angry so my safety isn't important? Fuck you, dude.
I told him I'd get a ride to my house and left the car. He got angry and called me ridiculous and melodramatic, ordering me to get back in the car like I was a child. I started to walk away so he yelled insults at me and ridiculed me. I was so embarrassed. My friend picked me up and took me home.
My car is still at his house. He texts me later, telling we he'll move it to a nearby street and tape the key to the wheel well. I ask him not to and he ignores me. Then he says that he's thinking he might stop therapy after "my behavior". That's right: this motherfucker is mad at ME for walking away when he said he didn't care about my safety after I tell him his driving is scaring me. He didn't apologize for any of this beyond "I'm sorry things went the way they did", then began texting about his hurt feelings.
I was writing this to ask for a sanity check but after reading it I know I'm now getting a divorce. Fuck.
So it sounds like he did that on purpose with some intention you’d be injured because he was angry with you..? That’s scary…and he’s involving strangers in this violence too, which just adds to that. What else is he capable of if this is how he’s handling his anger and he’s aware of it?
Like it’s one thing to react in anger and not realize you did something stupid in anger, but this dude straight up admitted it with full consciousness and maybe even pride. Granted, he was probably still angry, but that’s probably worse since he’s holding to anger for much longer than is reasonable and maybe even over something that didn’t deserve anger in the first place, perhaps? Worrying that he is not managing this after therapy sessions and doing things like you had suggested, letting you take the wheel when he feels this upset.
It sounds like he needs anger management on his own in his own therapy. If he keeps acting this way, his best outcome is going to be involuntary if not a worse outcome meeting the wrong person who’s not going to care how he’s feeling.
But either way, you do what you have to, to protect yourself.