I am feeling insecure and scared right now. My husband of ten years and I have been separated for about a year. Things are up and down but we've been seeing a therapist. He has a history of aggressive driving. Today, he was driving fast, then passed a slower car in a no passing zone going 30 MPH over the speed limit. It scared me. When I said something, his initial response was "either I passed them or I was going to be angry behind them the entire time", then later that he should have warned me first. No apology.
I felt uncomfortable so I asked him to pull over. He did, and I explained I felt unsafe so I'd be more comfortable if I drove for awhile. He refused and told me "I just don't care about your safety or comfort right now", then explained it was because he was angry with me about something that happened earlier. What. The. Fuck. He's angry so my safety isn't important? Fuck you, dude.
I told him I'd get a ride to my house and left the car. He got angry and called me ridiculous and melodramatic, ordering me to get back in the car like I was a child. I started to walk away so he yelled insults at me and ridiculed me. I was so embarrassed. My friend picked me up and took me home.
My car is still at his house. He texts me later, telling we he'll move it to a nearby street and tape the key to the wheel well. I ask him not to and he ignores me. Then he says that he's thinking he might stop therapy after "my behavior". That's right: this motherfucker is mad at ME for walking away when he said he didn't care about my safety after I tell him his driving is scaring me. He didn't apologize for any of this beyond "I'm sorry things went the way they did", then began texting about his hurt feelings.
I was writing this to ask for a sanity check but after reading it I know I'm now getting a divorce. Fuck.
If you were married for 10 years to someone who says “I just don’t care about your safety or comfort right now” you have to ignore your own body / guts / instincts / intuition to stay in that relationship. You started listening again when you decided to divorce him. Your instincts were right to get out of the car. It makes sense that you need validation of choices for a while.
I do agree with you soon to be ex-husband that couples therapy is over. You don't need it because you should be done with the relationship. You (and definitely him) should do individual therapy for a while. You need someone to help you grow your own confidence to make decisions. And congratulations on you divorce!!!
I am in individual therapy, which is what led me to move out. For so long there was this hope against hope that he'd get his act together, and he did a bit, just little bits here and there, but never enough to be a good or safe spouse. After this, I'm done.
Sounds like he wanted to get his act together not to make himself better but just which to appease you. That doesn't make someone healthier or better. Sounds like someone who needs to lose you to learn his lessons. Maybe he will be better for his next spouse but that's not your job anymore.
You are doing great. Congratulations and best of luck. You know what you should do. Trust yourself