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this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2026
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No Stupid Questions
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"normal" for what culture?
I mean family culture, not national-culture.
It seems to me that they're insecure, & committed to using you for their-own validation, & crowbarring you into remaining subjugated to that scam/game/manipulation.
( I had to go no-contact with both parents, for years at a time, for my survival: parental machiavellianism doesn't have to be conscious machiavellianism. I don't blame them, but did need to protect my life against their forcing-me-towards-breaking/failing, with all the personal-power I could muster. )
The oversimplification of "the 5 love languages", the oversimplification being that people are somehow "exclusively 1 XOR another", instead of being some mixture on a 5-dimension set-of-continuums/spectrums..
It seems your mother's means of showing-love is verbal, & she felt need to have verbal-expression-of-love for her.
The "5 love languages" thing.. when I found-out that some people NEED exchanging-of-things to feel loved, or to express love .. WTF??
TOTALLY not the way I'm wired.
Never EVER would have dawned-on-me that some people actually were wired that way.
But.. I've seen some people I knew who were wired that way!
Diversity-of-wiring's a thing, right?
So, I think it was you mom being wired for verbal emotional-meaning, AND her trying to manipulate you into being what protected/fed her established-when-she-was-growing-up dysfunction-habit, AND I wouldn't put 1 single cent on her being "to blame" for it, if she's never dug into conquering her own unconscious-mind. I think it was probably the result of the growing-up she lived in, just repeating, in variation.
Discard everything I wrote unless something in it is of value for you.
I've only experience & what seems to be understanding: I've no academic-accreditation, but neither did Socrates, my hero, either.
But if it is of value, then may your life be more-powerfully-awakening/autonomizing, owning your future-karma, more.
_ /\ _