No Stupid Questions
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This is true. The fediverse is unpleasant in occasionally different ways but is unpleasant. Part of it is human psychology that's hard to avoid (not that people are trying particularly hard), and then it's amplified by the demographics here possibly being somehow even worse at the whole "alternate view points" thing than Reddit is - which I seriously would not have thought possible, but here we are.
Maybe if the goal was making "reddit but less fuckfaced", it was a mistake to settle on the rather shoddy work of a bunch of extraordinarily angry tankies (possibly false flag although it's hard to separate one kind of dipshit from another kind of dipshit pretending to be the first kind of dipshit), and/or extraordinarily angry whatever else these... people... are - I'm sure spelling it out would be some kind of -ist, and whoo boy - no, sorry, that's probably sexist, damn. No, sorry, that's probably religious persecution, shit. No, sorry, ableism again because what if people have colostomies. Oh sorry, "colostomy" is Greek derived so probably also offensive to someone. And suggesting that is probably also possible to frame as offensive somehow, if one really puts one's alleged mind to it.
Instead of being banned arbitrarily from a sub because some shithead didn't like you criticizing Trump, you'll be banned arbitrarily from an entire instances because people are actively hunting for excuses to be offended, trolling, or just wildly out of touch with reality.
"I don't necessarily think Marxist-Len-" clearly fascist. Banned.
"Hey, that's crazy, man" - banned. That's ableism, don't'y'know.
"Some people get tricked into voting against their better int-" can't even tell what you were referring to, but banned anyway, just in case. Or because voting is fascist, or some other scintillatingly intelligent reasoning.
"Sometimes you can't get away from Windows-" fascist corporate something or other, banned.
"Sometimes people get offended, or pretend to, and it doesn't automatically make them righ-" (waiting to see how this one pans out, actually :P)
Getting a break from the (overt) right wingers is jolly nice, actually. The depressing upshot, though, is that it turns out a lot of the psychology is pretty similar anyway. The very people whining the loudest about the Reddit Gestapo get over here and immediately start the Lemmy KGB, but it's okay because their views are the right ones. Even though one of the main guys is still a blatant transphobic asshole, which is frankly pretty suggestive of something in this bastion of hyper zealous... "tolerance".
All to enjoy much less and shittier content... maybe it isn't 100% worth it, which makes the FV's hysterical self-congratulatory attitude pretty funny. Hooray, we have a deeply flawed and impractical, gimmicky bullshit architecture, thought up by someone who drinks Russian and Chinese and North-Korean (etc) flavor-aid! You even get different excuses when some dipshit abuses the moderation system, woohoo! This is like, the best thing since we ran over those protesters at Tiananmen square!
Theres something called "morally lucky" where they didn't really think things through that much but just ended up in the "more correct" group anyway. Some more common examples than what you gave would be things like "omg Ben Shapiro is so short what a gnome," or "trump has a tiny dick lol!!" while saying body shaming is not okay and isn't ever acceptable.