this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2026
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Flirting (lemmy.ml)
submitted 10 hours ago by electric_nan@lemmy.ml to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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Hi friends. Is it fucked up to flirt with someone with no intention of taking it further? I'm in a long-term monogamous relationship. Sometimes I crave a little validation from strangers. I'm not going to cheat on my partner, but I do have a need to feel desirable to others. I don't feel like a bit of flirting is a betrayal of my relationship, but I'm less confident about how other people feel. Like, I don't want to waste someone else's time, but I guess maybe I am leading people on a bit if I chat with them without mentioning my partner.

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[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 6 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

do you get people trying to flirt with you a lot? I have had people express interest in me maybe three times in my entire life.

[–] Demifriend@hexbear.net 2 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Nah I wouldn't say a lot, but it's not super rare for it to happen. At one point it was maybe once every 4-6 months or so[^1]? But these days I don't go out much because of the pandemic, so it doesn't happen as often. It happens a lot more now than it did before I started transitioning, I think partly because I became a lot more friendly and comfortable with complimenting people once I felt more like myself. I'm also non-monogamous, pretty openly sex-positive, and live in an area with a lot of other queer people, so I'm sure that contributes plenty as well.

[^1]: Definitely more frequently if you include online, but if someone is flirting with me online it's probably in an online space that is explicitly sexual so I wouldn't count that for this conversation.

[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 3 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

that sounds like a lot to me, but i haven't spoken to anyone outside of a workplace in years

[–] Demifriend@hexbear.net 2 points 3 hours ago

I think the spaces you are in make a big difference for this, yeah. It doesn't really feel like a lot to me compared to some people I know, but maybe it is above average, I'm not sure. Almost none of that flirting actually went anywhere, for what it's worth.