this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2026
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[–] alexandra_kollontai@hexbear.net 1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I took a brief look into this. It looks like Tracy Grammer, Dave's partner in life and music, had opened a thread opposing the use of "she" for Dave's wikipedia page:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Teahouse/Questions/Archive_1068#Expressed_gender_vs._assigned_gender

Page has been altered and undone a few times in relation to Carter's pronouns. Current edit states that expressed gender overrides assigned gender. I would appreciate clarification as to what Wiki is calling "expressed gender."

I was partnered with Carter professionally from 1996 until his death by heart attack in 2002, and personally from 1997- early 2002. Carter had not come out at the time of his death. He intended to release one more album of what he called "Lonesome Dave" songs (as male), then send me out on a solo tour while he focused on the transition. When s/he was ready to introduce the new identity, we would shift our musical configuration to an all-girl psychedelic country band.

The transition process was not public knowledge at the time of his death. His immediate family was completely unaware of his intention to transition. Only select friends, his healers/therapists, and our management team were in the loop. He did not have a name chosen.

Carter's death at the start of the transition process puts him and his transgendered identity in an unusual position -- a bardo. It is impossible to say where s/he would've landed. Possibly she; possibly non-binary. None of us can know. Up to the date of his death, Dave did not ask us to refer to him as anything other than Dave.

The section on Transgendered Identity on Dave's page is critical for the incredible depth and light it sheds on the work. Still, if "expressed gender" refers to how a person introduces themselves to the world, then it seems inappropriate to "express" Dave Carter as "she" because Dave did not do that. Had Dave survived, that was still a couple years off, based on my knowledge of his professional and personal goals.

and on https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Dave_Carter#Consistency:

As the surviving partner of this musical and romantic partnership, I believe it is important that we honor the transition in progress, which has been done quite lovingly. But I would like to suggest that since Dave Carter never had the privilege of introducing his transgender identity to the world, we not take it upon ourselves to do it posthumously. He did not arrive, as it were, at his destination. And the feminine was yet without a name. Indeed, she is without a history of any kind, professionally speaking, as Dave presented male for the duration of his career. Let's let the record stand.

I guess you could argue that there's no reason that Tracey should have the right to say this on behalf of Dave, but unfortunately there's nobody else around to speak for them.