675
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by Kata1yst@kbin.social to c/theonion@midwest.social

WASHINGTON—Shedding light on the enduring appeal behind assault rifle ownership, a Pew study released Monday revealed that more Americans were buying AR-15s to defend themselves from toddlers who found their guns. “Many Americans stressed that they felt safer knowing they had an AR-15 at the ready in case their toddler stumbled across a shoebox holding a loaded gun on the floor of a closet and started firing away,” said researcher Jonathan Lieu, noting that the majority of AR-15 owners told his team they purchased the lightweight rifle due to their recurring fears about waking in the night to their 2-year-old giggling as they shot bullet holes through the bedroom door. “One response we often heard was that it was a Second Amendment right for gun owners to defend themselves against their own young children. They also stressed that a baseball bat or pepper spray simply wasn’t enough firepower to take down their gun-toting kids.” Lieu added that many Americans also rushed out to purchase tear gas grenades after their children inevitably got their hands on the AR-15s.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[-] OpenStars@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago

Fwiw, many irl articles started off in the Onion first, before moving over into more mainstream media.

Yup, America is the place where money makes all your fantasies come true! (Sadly, this extends to Putin and his wealth as well, manufacturing nightmares just as readily)

[-] genoxidedev1@kbin.social 3 points 1 year ago

I was recently deciding if I want to put the onion in my RSS feed for daily news consumption

[-] OpenStars@kbin.social 3 points 1 year ago

I can see the tagline now:

The only "honest" source of "news"!

(In my head, only one of those two words are in quotes at any one time, but I dunno, maybe they flip back and forth rapidly like a chemical double bond?:-P)

this post was submitted on 11 Sep 2023
675 points (97.2% liked)

The Onion

4435 readers
853 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS