(Part 2 due to character limit)

Where am I wrong about Ukraine, do you think E.U. and NATO are going to let them in even after all this?

Yes, definitely. NATO expansion has long been a goal of NATO hardliners, and NATO support in NATO countries has shot up to a degree few would have expected before Russia made the dubious decision of validating the purpose of the old alliance, which had become lethargic and uncertain in recent years.

What reason is there to exclude Ukraine from NATO once the war is over? Do you think the West wants to deal with a land-grab like this bullshit again, disrupting international markets? Or do you think we'd much prefer to station a token 'tripwire' force in Ukraine and ensure that Russia can't do this bullshit again in ten years?

The EU I'm less informed on the nuances of, but it seems to me they're pretty forward about opening a path to EU membership to Ukraine. I'd be more concerned on the EU trying to stall on including them in the Schengen Area than excluding them from the EU entirely.

I’m not a tanky , the Russian invasion of Ukraine is horrific and unjustified, that doesn’t mean the west’s response to it is benevolent and with the ukrainians best interest.

I appreciate that you aren't a tankie, or a Russian bootlicker, but sometimes national (or international) interests and the right thing line up. Western hegemony benefits most from countries deeply connected to the international market (ie Russia and Ukraine) NOT invading each other and disrupting world trade. As Russia is the aggressor, it is in the interests of the West to discourage further aggression, both practically (supporting Ukraine to end the war faster) and in principle (assuring other countries that their sovereignty will be reinforced in the case of blatant outside interference).