119
submitted 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) by Damaskox@kbin.social to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

Greetings.
I'm in quite of a pickle here, and just thinking about it will get me nowhere.

.

I attend a group hobby weekly.
Quite often we go for a follow-up hang-out in the local bar. I recall everyone else buying a drink and coming to sit down to have a chat.
I don't buy anything. I wait for the first of us ordering and then I follow them to the table.

One of our attendees has commented on my behavior twice so far.
First she said that I'm a bum. That I use the bar's staff and the place for my own benefit. There's a chance that she said that in front of someone else.
Last night she commented that I'm still doing this (we two sat alone for a while). She's afraid that they'll throw us out because of my behavior.

I explained that I rarely buy stuff from bars.
On the second comment I said that I'll probably continue this behavior to the end of times and they won't throw us out because everyone else spends money. And that my friend said that she or her friends do the same thing quite commonly.
I could have felt her loathing upon me.

I don't have the money to buy pricy consumables.
I have my own water bottle and sometimes snacks from a market to keep my belly full enough. Or then I don't eat anything and eat later.
I'm there because of the company.

The employees haven't commented anything about my behavior. I don't know, would they even care.

.

Thoughts?
Am I unfair or is she?

I'm thinking about asking her next time that should I just leave if I'm such a bother to her.
I'm also thinking about suggesting us to talk about this as a group.

.

EDIT: I don't think this is about alcohol. I believe most of them order something else cos it's late Monday and most people go to work the next day.
EDIT2: We don't have the tipping culture here.
EDIT3: Thanks for all the comments! You give my mind and feels some peace ๐Ÿ’—

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[-] krellor@kbin.social 10 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

I don't know your local customs, but I would say it is normal for a large group to have one or two people not buy something, but also normal to enforce a no outside food or drink policy. Personally, I wouldn't feel weird not ordering, but I wouldn't eat or drink outside food or beverage while there.

If someone commented on it I'd just ignore them and if pressed, tell them if the bar has a policy they need to post it. Her getting upset is likely second hand embarrassment due to their own insecurities.

[-] averyminya@beehaw.org 5 points 8 months ago

Regarding outside food/drink, if it were like going to X place then always sitting at the bar I'd agree but a water bottle is a right lol

[-] krellor@kbin.social 8 points 8 months ago

I agree with the water, but they did mention snacks from the market which is where I could see the bar objecting if they serve food.

[-] averyminya@beehaw.org 2 points 8 months ago

Ah I missed the snacks part :)

[-] Damaskox@kbin.social 3 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Her getting upset is likely second hand embarrassment due to their own insecurities.

It could (also) be about principles.

this post was submitted on 18 Dec 2023
119 points (91.0% liked)

Asklemmy

43326 readers
1582 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy ๐Ÿ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS