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The only one I play regularly is Arma 3, and other than the (IIRC) 80s cold war DLC all their maps are technically fake countries. That said, I'm pretty sure they're all made using real satellite footage so I guess stay away from Greece, Lithuania, Mediterranean France (?), and whatever island in the Pacific Tanoa is based on.
I saw "milsim" in the title and came here looking for other Arma 3 nerds.
I somehow only saw this reply now. It's funny to meet other Arma players on here being that Lemmy generally seems to be a pretty progressive-leaning community and I don't necessarily think the Arma community, on average, would be a super compatible demographic. Granted, there's bound to be some crossover.
Anyway, judging from your comment history I get the vibe you might enjoy mods like overthrow and antistasi. If you're not familiar, both are open-map game modes where you slowly build up a resistance movement to an oppressive government or occupying force. They're literally the only way I personally play the game.
Our server has been having some federation hiccups. I actually play with a really chill unit. Oddly enough, all the Arma units I've encountered have been pretty progressive. As a cis woman, I am almost always outnumbered by the trans gals because there's always a bunch of them around. Also, all the units I've been with have a negative amount of tolerance for bigots.
I pretty much always play as the medic in our PvE ops, and unfortunately I'm a little incompetent when it comes to actual combat, so I haven't been horrendously useful when we play Anyistasi.
That's really encouraging to hear! I don't think I've ever played Arma multiplayer (other than a bit with my dad) but ages ago I used to play a lot of Battlefield 2 and I recall that community being a mixed bag in terms of cool and toxic people. Maybe that was partly the times as it was a good 15 years ago, though the gaming community even now seems all over the place. My wife and I regularly game with another couple (our own private servers, mostly survival games). They also play Overwatch and have said that community can be pretty awful, especially to women.
Oh, and I know what you mean about Arma combat - it's punishing. That's part of why I like those resistance-style game modes. Hit and run is a viable strategy.
Anyway, glad to hear you mostly have good experiences with that community.