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this post was submitted on 07 Jul 2023
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Asklemmy
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It usually takes about 6 months to a year for the mask to start slipping, and then full blown asshole/abuse happens much more rapidly. In my experience.
I’ve dated plenty of shitty human beings, some were physically abusive, some emotionally/mentally and the super fun ones were both. Not making excuses for my decisions, but I was young, had never seen what a healthy relationship looked like, and had only seen shitty humans/abusive people as “loved ones” before.
Edit: abusive/assholes CAN be VERY charming. They figure out how to get what they want, and then once they think they have you “locked” they start showing you who they really are. Hell, they usually show you small glimpses pretty early on, but at least for me, they also make you believe that you’re crazy/wrong for the spidey sense tingling.
That usually happens when you dont have a reference for what a healthy relatioship is.
I hope you are doing better now. Im proud of you.
Yup. Every single relative of mine is a shitty person. Each for their own reasons, but the bottom line is they don’t give a shit about anyone that isn’t giving them something they want.
Thanks! It has taken a lot of work.
I think that rather than "showing you who they really are", they just don't bother with the mask as much - it seems to take effort, and they've just stopped putting in the work. Love the "spidey-sense" reference!
Yeah, I was going with the easy way to say it, but yeah. It’s not about showing you who they are, as much as not really giving a shit about you, and being tired of having to act like the nice person, they are trying to make you think they are. As long as they are getting what they want, they are going to do as little as possible.